Enchanting Career Changer Gifts

'Alright, throw in your resume and the 'Get A Job' potion will be complete.'

PERSONNEL, 'Why did you leave your previous employment?', 'They asked too many questions!'

"I've given up on the novel. There's more money in writing inspirational memes."

"My wife has always encouraged me... ...to quit this stupid dream and get a real job." ... "You have a wife?"

"I'd like to change my major from dental to mental."

"Hey, just wanted to say bye again, guys, I'm off to join the circus."

'Hunting and gathering doesn't sound very interesting, so I have decided to become a consultant.'

"I'm interested in working with animals and deliveries."

I'm stepping out to look for a better job...

Planned service changes

The world's most unemployable family

"I was doing well in school and planning to be a computer programmer - but somewhere along the way I must have taken a wrong turn."

"Screw this—I'm going to work for the tabloids."

'Right, I hope that gives you an idea of what the work is about, any questions?'

Blend Schools

"Originally I wanted to be a stockbroker but found I fainted at the sight of money.''

"You're kidding! I used to be an economist myself!"

'We need someone bright, someone quick to take notice.'

"I've been studying reverse psychology at Tonga Tech Online University."

'And your class story is an old, old one. In the middle of successful soul-snatching careers you were suddenly bitten by the lawyering bug...'

"I've been promoted from barbarian pillager to management. Do you know how to tie a neck tie?"

"I've worked as a wet-nurse for ten years, but I'm after something new now..."

Laid off from a dot-com? Ask about our resume-writing software.

'I used to be an accountant but I found it too depressing.'

"I take it you're not heartbroken to be leaving the firm!"

"I can see from your résumé that you're a man."

"I'm trying to find a way to balance your strengths against your felonies."

'When are you going to give up this 9 to 5 nonsense and become a rock star like your brother?'

'Your resume states that you've worked with 2 presidents, won the Nobel Prize and climbed Mt. Everest. That's all fine and dandy, but how are you at telemarketing?'

"I'm from the Duvall Executive Search Agency, and I leave no stone unturned."

"I've applied the Paper Reduction Act to my resume."

The Remote Olympics

The evangelist turned lawyer's opening arguments were unconvincing