Career Change Comedy Gifts

'I said.. how long were you a DRILL INSTRUCTOR, SIR?'

I hope a starting salary of 80 and a severance of 12 is acceptable....

"It's made entirely out of rejected resumes."

"You're just the man we're looking for. Come around to this side of the desk, and I'll gather up my things and get the heck out of here."

'How would you feel about working in a small pond?'

PERSONNEL, 'Why did you leave your previous employment?', 'They asked too many questions!'

"Where do you see yourself in 20 to 25 years?"

"Hope you weren't planning on leaving early."

"I've given up on the novel. There's more money in writing inspirational memes."

'Yes, we do have an incentive scheme.We call it 'continued employment'.'

'It could have been worse...she might have chosen banking.'

"Hey, just wanted to say bye again, guys, I'm off to join the circus."

"My wife has always encouraged me... ...to quit this stupid dream and get a real job." ... "You have a wife?"

"Are you willing to work the night shift?"

'Hunting and gathering doesn't sound very interesting, so I have decided to become a consultant.'

"I'm interested in working with animals and deliveries."

Planned service changes

Fruit Fly Job Interviews

I'm stepping out to look for a better job...

"I was doing well in school and planning to be a computer programmer - but somewhere along the way I must have taken a wrong turn."

"Screw this—I'm going to work for the tabloids."

"If I had known this was such a great place to work I would have lied more on my resume."

"Originally I wanted to be a stockbroker but found I fainted at the sight of money.''

"You're kidding! I used to be an economist myself!"

'Right, I hope that gives you an idea of what the work is about, any questions?'

"A raise? Unlimited free refills aren't enough for you?"

"Where do you see yourself getting drunk in five years?"

"I've been promoted from barbarian pillager to management. Do you know how to tie a neck tie?"

"It's my conscience... It's all achy"

'And your class story is an old, old one. In the middle of successful soul-snatching careers you were suddenly bitten by the lawyering bug...'

'Next time you want to cheat and use someone else's resume, I suggest you do more than scratch out his name and put yours above it.'

'We need someone bright, someone quick to take notice.'

"I didn't bring a resume. I brought coffee and donuts."

Laid off from a dot-com? Ask about our resume-writing software.

'I used to be an accountant but I found it too depressing.'