Career Changers With Humor Pillows

"I've enjoyed being a pet, but it's time for me to get a real job."

'How would you feel about working in a small pond?'

PERSONNEL, 'Why did you leave your previous employment?', 'They asked too many questions!'

"I've given up on the novel. There's more money in writing inspirational memes."

'You say you're willing to start at the bottom...'

"I'd like to change my major from dental to mental."

"My wife has always encouraged me... ...to quit this stupid dream and get a real job." ... "You have a wife?"

"So, Mr Canary, I see you have experience as a mine safety specialist..."

'Alright, throw in your resume and the 'Get A Job' potion will be complete.'

"Hey, just wanted to say bye again, guys, I'm off to join the circus."

'Hunting and gathering doesn't sound very interesting, so I have decided to become a consultant.'

"I'm interested in working with animals and deliveries."

Planned service changes

I'm stepping out to look for a better job...

"Screw this—I'm going to work for the tabloids."

Career Analyst "Well I've looked at your file and yes, your job is rubbish"

"I was doing well in school and planning to be a computer programmer - but somewhere along the way I must have taken a wrong turn."

'Right, I hope that gives you an idea of what the work is about, any questions?'

"Originally I wanted to be a stockbroker but found I fainted at the sight of money.''

"You're kidding! I used to be an economist myself!"

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"It's my conscience... It's all achy"

'And your class story is an old, old one. In the middle of successful soul-snatching careers you were suddenly bitten by the lawyering bug...'

'We need someone bright, someone quick to take notice.'

"I've been promoted from barbarian pillager to management. Do you know how to tie a neck tie?"

'I used to be an accountant but I found it too depressing.'

"I take it you're not heartbroken to be leaving the firm!"

"I can see from your résumé that you're a man."

"I'm trying to find a way to balance your strengths against your felonies."

'When are you going to give up this 9 to 5 nonsense and become a rock star like your brother?'

"I'm from the Duvall Executive Search Agency, and I leave no stone unturned."

"I've applied the Paper Reduction Act to my resume."

The evangelist turned lawyer's opening arguments were unconvincing