Culture Jokesters Gifts

'You know I've always told you you were the last of the Mohicans? Well, there was this sqaw...'

Children disturbing a heart rate reading.

"Can't you do something more creative than messing around with cupboard doors?"

"Don't tell me we're eating Paleo again."

'I've only come to get my nail back.'

Extremely Practical Jokes.

"Your therapy will be a combination of drugs and clowns."

"But you didn't say they had to make sense - you just told us to write a thousand words a day."

Student to math teacher: 'My dog ate my homework and got arithmetics.'

"What are you trying to tell me, girl? Are you hungry? You’re not hungry? The squirrels are skinny-dipping in the pool? Cats are making a hook rug out of your bed? You dug up Jimmy Hoffa?!" "Mitch liked messing with his dog's head."

Man on desert island using elastic to shoot him off the island.

"This is our most practical model. It comes with a 21-year warranty."

'What, not even a kiss first?'

"Your toilet water over ice, sir. And how is the homework?"

"The good news is that you will have a healthy baby girl. The bad news is that she is a congenital liar."

'This painting's in very poor taste.' 'Yes. It's from his sour grapes period.'

Peniteniary for the terminally silly.

Clerk: 'Boy that Delivery guy sure has a THICK accent!'

'He's just de-man's-best-friended me.'

'I can't make it, I'm dead.'

Practical joke, violent offender rehab center: 'Relate to me!'

'You're breaking up...please text me.'

'We're all gonna have lovely hangovers in the morning!'

Robot porn.

How do bright women get pregnant?

'Any idea why your boyfriend is handing out cigars in the pub?'