History Jokesters Gifts

150th Anniversary Civil War Reenactment. We're not big history buffs --- We just like saying "sesquicentennial"!

Children disturbing a heart rate reading.

"Don't tell me we're eating Paleo again."

Another Turning Point in History. Oh, the heck with it -- I'll never get these antlers right. Mickey Moose.

"It's World Cup Soccer, Tia Carmen. The U.S. vs England."

Cat scratches on a pirate's wooden leg.

'I've only come to get my nail back.'

Extremely Practical Jokes.

Top Ten New Year's Resolutions

Richard the Turd

"Your therapy will be a combination of drugs and clowns."

"Why T-Rexes do not play volleyball..."

"But you didn't say they had to make sense - you just told us to write a thousand words a day."

Student to math teacher: 'My dog ate my homework and got arithmetics.'

"What are you trying to tell me, girl? Are you hungry? You’re not hungry? The squirrels are skinny-dipping in the pool? Cats are making a hook rug out of your bed? You dug up Jimmy Hoffa?!" "Mitch liked messing with his dog's head."

"Don't forget the nucleus has mass."

'One hundred and forty? You don't look a day over one hundred and thirty nine!'

They discover fire and we spend all day cooking!

Man on desert island using elastic to shoot him off the island.

"This is our most practical model. It comes with a 21-year warranty."

Dorothy gets a visit from her funny Valentine.

"Your toilet water over ice, sir. And how is the homework?"

Hey boss, that generic soap you gave me isn't really cleaning the cups. Mind if I go get some brand name stuff? Are you insane? There's zero difference between generic and brand name products. Corporate America just cons people into thinking "you get what you pay for." Don't be a stooge, Rudy. Don't fall for it. Now get in there and scrub those cups, minion! Strike a blow for the little guy against corporate lies! Wait ... I'm very confused. Are you a right-winger or a left-winger? You mean in w

Thwarting the Boys from Brazil

'What, not even a kiss first?'

"The good news is that you will have a healthy baby girl. The bad news is that she is a congenital liar."

"Aha! - Proof that this is definitely an iron-age site..."

Peniteniary for the terminally silly.

'I've heard it's the new dance craze from America.'

Clerk: 'Boy that Delivery guy sure has a THICK accent!'

Look! Up in the sky! It's absurd! It's inane! Malaprop Man! I hear you told people in England you're royalty. Yeah, at first they didn't realize that I was only Joe King. I was an error to the throne who rained for forty days and forty knights. It's disappointing though that I never got to see a pig riding contest at Bucking Ham palace. And I never met Sherlock Holmes. He's the guy who followed the foot prince!

That's no largemouth bass, son - You caught yourself a rare blabbermouth bass. I'm nothin'! A nobody! Throw me back and I'll show you where the really big fish are!

'I can't make it, I'm dead.'

Practical joke, violent offender rehab center: 'Relate to me!'

"You know darn well my maiden name wasn't Rex. Why do you ask?"