History Jokester Gifts

"Remember what I said...keep an eye on the arrows!"

'Oh darn........I forgot The Alamo!'

Joggers in the Park c.1949

Kid in time-out writes 'it was the best of time out...'

"Don't tell me we're eating Paleo again."

'I've only come to get my nail back.'

Richard the Turd

"Your therapy will be a combination of drugs and clowns."

"Are you sure this is a 'Flu virus?" "See for yourself...it's nose is running!"

'One placebo or two, doctor?'

Physics Improv. "I now vill be taking suggestions from ze audience..."

"Why T-Rexes do not play volleyball..."

Student to math teacher: 'My dog ate my homework and got arithmetics.'

'Ã…w, gee whiz, Mom -- all the other kids have velociraptors!'

'Don't you hate it when they look BACK at you?'

"This is our most practical model. It comes with a 21-year warranty."

"Alarmingly, after five minutes the pool had come no closer."

'Lately, I've been thinking a lot about evolution. My theory is that it all points to 'survival of the fattest'.'

'What, not even a kiss first?'

At first, Moses was worried about the manna from heaven.

'But it may be easier to understand the meaning of bioengineered life.'

"Information is moved via neurotransmitters from neuron to neuron via the synapses into the brain where it is then retrieved by the memory via a slap on the back of the head."

"Your toilet water over ice, sir. And how is the homework?"

"The good news is that you will have a healthy baby girl. The bad news is that she is a congenital liar."

"Aha! - Proof that this is definitely an iron-age site..."

Peniteniary for the terminally silly.

'What are you talking about? ? how can you have half a quantum theory?'

Clerk: 'Boy that Delivery guy sure has a THICK accent!'

"Ah - The 'Big Gang' theory."

'Reallly Miss Jones...all this fuss over a silly little spider!'

'I can't make it, I'm dead.'