Joking Historian Gifts

"I don't know about you, but ever since we invented language, I've been getting a lot less sex."

"You're on a what?!"

Archimedes statue with a lever

'Which one of you told Glurk to stretch before running?'

"Don't tell me we're eating Paleo again."

The discovery of asparagus.

"It was a lot more satisfying before 'catch and release.'"

"Right here's fine."

'How could you flunk stone shop?'

Ruddy bloggers!

An old-time engineer enters the cockpit on a flight.

A child at a museum starts to pull the wrappings off a mummy.

The Fall of Gnome

'We need to have a shake-up!'

'Finish your homework first, Og... then you can watch the wall.'

Atlas with the earth, says: 'So then I thought, Why not just roll the damn thing?'

Man looks at huge dinosaur fossil in garden, saying: 'It looks great in the rockery, but don't you think you should call the Natural History Museum?'

Bible Bloopers

"Get off the stage and get a copy of 'Studies of Laughter in Interaction'—I think you'll enjoy it."

"The fourth horseman says that he will be late. He hasn't left the Old Testament yet."

Are you the guy who ate my brother?

"How the hell is that supposed to feed us?"

'I made your favorite for dinner — pterodactyl nuggets!'

Mortally Wounded at the Battle of Quebec, General James Wolfe Forgets His Last Words

"Don't talk to me before discover coffee."

"Yes, but this one is made of Chiclets."

The Drone

'You see son, it's jobs like these that give us a bad name...'