Funny Historian Gifts

'I can not tell a lie concerning the cherry tree: mistakes were made. However, I must consult with my spin doctors before saying more.'

"You're on a what?!"

Archimedes statue with a lever

'Which one of you told Glurk to stretch before running?'

"It was a lot more satisfying before 'catch and release.'"

"Right here's fine."

The discovery of asparagus.

'How could you flunk stone shop?'

Ruddy bloggers!

An old-time engineer enters the cockpit on a flight.

The Fall of Gnome

A child at a museum starts to pull the wrappings off a mummy.

'We need to have a shake-up!'

"Get off the stage and get a copy of 'Studies of Laughter in Interaction'—I think you'll enjoy it."

'Finish your homework first, Og... then you can watch the wall.'

Atlas with the earth, says: 'So then I thought, Why not just roll the damn thing?'

Bible Bloopers

Are you the guy who ate my brother?

"The fourth horseman says that he will be late. He hasn't left the Old Testament yet."

"How the hell is that supposed to feed us?"

"Let's have some fun kids, he says, let's play Easter Island."

Mortally Wounded at the Battle of Quebec, General James Wolfe Forgets His Last Words

"Don't talk to me before discover coffee."

"Enough with the treehugging already!"

"Yes, but this one is made of Chiclets."

'You see son, it's jobs like these that give us a bad name...'

"There Adam. Isn't that a lot more comfortable than that silly little fig leaf?"

The Drone