Quirky Historian Gifts

'They tested some brain boosting pills on me and now I'm selling maps. Want to buy one?'

Took It To The Next Level, Kicked It Up A Notch, Threw Off The Edge

Mummy has set up a pulley system in his sarcophagus.

"Hydro density apparatus invention? Go away - I'm not disturbing his bath for that!"

Statues - Inventor of inoculation / Inventor of a new Swear Word

Crawford W Long

Scottish Independence: The Union Jock.

Ancient man

"... No, when I say, 'you must let go of the past' I mean you must return that vase to the museum you took it from."

"My book is actually about 12th century Etruscan pottery but I thought it might sell better if I aimed it at the children's market."

Queen Ranavola of Madagascar executed any of her subjects who appeared in her dreams....

Archimedes statue with a lever

William Harvey

Pun on Excalibur - Swiss Army knife appears from the lake.

Uses of a Dead Cat in History: Dead Cat Excalibur.

Uses of a Dead Cat in History: The Pied Piper

"This is your great-great-great grandfather Luis. He met your great-great-great-grandmother at the store where she worked. He was there to buy a lawn mower! She sold him a sheep. They hadn't invented law mowers."

"R.V. Lintel- Inventor of Polyroc

"Paul meets his great (x100,000,000) grandfather, Mervin."

Honesty Not the Best Policy

A caveman attempting to make a cart

"It was a lot more satisfying before 'catch and release.'"

"How the hell is that supposed to feed us?"

"Let's have some fun kids, he says, let's play Easter Island."

"That's right, it's @kingphilbert3rd... Yeah, with a P-H... That's him, yep, now tap "follow"..."

'Okay, Noah...I'm going to tell you again. Listen very carefully this time.'

'This 'Hamlet' thing you're working on... Do you think you could write in a part for Lady Godiva?!'

Caveman sees comment section below cave drawings,

"You just made medical history Mr Burnside. Your're the first one ever struck by lightning while on a bed pan."

'I can not tell a lie concerning the cherry tree: mistakes were made. However, I must consult with my spin doctors before saying more.'

Philosophie.fr Bulletin Board - 1936

Hieroglyphic disco dancer

"You look good for your age."

Cat scratch fever

Useless-memory lane