Quirky Historian Pillows

'They tested some brain boosting pills on me and now I'm selling maps. Want to buy one?'

Took It To The Next Level, Kicked It Up A Notch, Threw Off The Edge

Mummy has set up a pulley system in his sarcophagus.

"Hydro density apparatus invention? Go away - I'm not disturbing his bath for that!"

Statues - Inventor of inoculation / Inventor of a new Swear Word

Crawford W Long

Scottish Independence: The Union Jock.

Ancient man

"... No, when I say, 'you must let go of the past' I mean you must return that vase to the museum you took it from."

"My book is actually about 12th century Etruscan pottery but I thought it might sell better if I aimed it at the children's market."

Queen Ranavola of Madagascar executed any of her subjects who appeared in her dreams....

Archimedes statue with a lever

William Harvey

Pun on Excalibur - Swiss Army knife appears from the lake.

Uses of a Dead Cat in History: Dead Cat Excalibur.

Uses of a Dead Cat in History: The Pied Piper

"This is your great-great-great grandfather Luis. He met your great-great-great-grandmother at the store where she worked. He was there to buy a lawn mower! She sold him a sheep. They hadn't invented law mowers."

"R.V. Lintel- Inventor of Polyroc

"Paul meets his great (x100,000,000) grandfather, Mervin."

Honesty Not the Best Policy

A caveman attempting to make a cart

"It was a lot more satisfying before 'catch and release.'"

"Let's have some fun kids, he says, let's play Easter Island."

"How the hell is that supposed to feed us?"

"That's right, it's @kingphilbert3rd... Yeah, with a P-H... That's him, yep, now tap "follow"..."

Caveman sees comment section below cave drawings,

'This 'Hamlet' thing you're working on... Do you think you could write in a part for Lady Godiva?!'

"You just made medical history Mr Burnside. Your're the first one ever struck by lightning while on a bed pan."

'I can not tell a lie concerning the cherry tree: mistakes were made. However, I must consult with my spin doctors before saying more.'

Hieroglyphic disco dancer

"You look good for your age."

"I don't know about you, but ever since we invented language, I've been getting a lot less sex."

Cat scratch fever

Useless-memory lane

Unexpected Help for the Colonists at the Boston Tea Party