Cheeky Historian Pillows

"Miss. Did you ever actually meet Julius Caesar?"

Archimedes statue with a lever

"It was a lot more satisfying before 'catch and release.'"

As long as there are husbands, we'll get our's money's worth!

"How the hell is that supposed to feed us?"

"Yes, but this one is made of Chiclets."

This year Mike decides to make his own Valentine's cards.

“Look! We’re on the naked cam!”

'Okay, Noah...I'm going to tell you again. Listen very carefully this time.'

Caveman sees comment section below cave drawings,

Pun on Excalibur - Swiss Army knife appears from the lake.

Uses of a Dead Cat in History: The Pied Piper

'This 'Hamlet' thing you're working on... Do you think you could write in a part for Lady Godiva?!'

"Tongue twisters! These are hard to say! A skunk sat on a stump and thunk the stump stunk, but the stump thunk the skunk stunk."

"R.V. Lintel- Inventor of Polyroc

"The usual? Or will you be having our 'stimulus package'?"

"... No, when I say, 'you must let go of the past' I mean you must return that vase to the museum you took it from."

A caveman attempting to make a cart

"Have you ever licked cream off a woman's body?"

Scottish Independence: The Union Jock.

"My book is actually about 12th century Etruscan pottery but I thought it might sell better if I aimed it at the children's market."

"It's an agreeable little wine."

'We're looking for somebody in medical research.'

Mummy has set up a pulley system in his sarcophagus.

"You look good for your age."

"I don't know about you, but ever since we invented language, I've been getting a lot less sex."

"This is your great-great-great grandfather Luis. He met your great-great-great-grandmother at the store where she worked. He was there to buy a lawn mower! She sold him a sheep. They hadn't invented law mowers."

Unexpected Help for the Colonists at the Boston Tea Party

"Hydro density apparatus invention? Go away - I'm not disturbing his bath for that!"

The Wonder Years: "I wonder where my keys are. I wonder why I came upstairs. I wonder why my pants are down..."

Queen Ranavola of Madagascar executed any of her subjects who appeared in her dreams....

Adam and Eve

Uses of a Dead Cat in History: Dead Cat Excalibur.

Ancient man

'These are the happiest days of your life.'