Tongue-in-cheek Historian Pillows

"I wish I'd said that!"

Burke and Hare and Hare

No-Work Orange

Robinson decided to name him 'Casual Friday'.

Archimedes statue with a lever

"It was a lot more satisfying before 'catch and release.'"

"How the hell is that supposed to feed us?"

'Marriage? With all your pre-existing conditions Reggie, my HMO would never approve of you'

'Economic indicators are down, but cheer up! The history revisionists will turn this into 'the good old days'...'

Shall I be mother?

Pun on Excalibur - Swiss Army knife appears from the lake.

Caveman sees comment section below cave drawings,

Uses of a Dead Cat in History: The Pied Piper

"... No, when I say, 'you must let go of the past' I mean you must return that vase to the museum you took it from."

A caveman attempting to make a cart

"R.V. Lintel- Inventor of Polyroc

'I'm fairly certain it's, what we call in the medical profession, a 'snake'.'

"My book is actually about 12th century Etruscan pottery but I thought it might sell better if I aimed it at the children's market."

Scottish Independence: The Union Jock.

Husband / Wife / On The Side

'We need someone on the outside.'

'Great now put the company logo on the togas and make the building in back look like the Parthenon.'

"I appreciate you asking for directions. But how reliable is 'Just follow your nose!' from a toucan?"

"Hail to thee, blithe spirit!"

Mummy has set up a pulley system in his sarcophagus.

"You look good for your age."

The Three Doctors.

"The president wants me to stay on as unemployed."

Having asked for some 'bruisers' to bruise oats for feeding horses, Mr. Haycock gets sent the 'Whitechaple Chicken' and the 'Bayswater Slasher'

"I don't know about you, but ever since we invented language, I've been getting a lot less sex."

"This is your great-great-great grandfather Luis. He met your great-great-great-grandmother at the store where she worked. He was there to buy a lawn mower! She sold him a sheep. They hadn't invented law mowers."

Roman Golfer.

'May I recommend the ketchup '06,sir?'

"Hydro density apparatus invention? Go away - I'm not disturbing his bath for that!"

'On the plus side, you won't have to worry about me getting into an expensive college.'