Curious Historian Gifts

"The town has no history, Signore. It was built from scratch three years ago, entirely for the tourist trade."

'Isn't that embarrassing! Homo sapiens see, Homo sapiens do!'

Archimedes statue with a lever

"It was a lot more satisfying before 'catch and release.'"

Beyond the known and the unknown.

"Let's have some fun kids, he says, let's play Easter Island."

"How the hell is that supposed to feed us?"

'Academic freedom doesn't mean you're free not to study.'

"Will thee not sayeth uncle?!"

"That's right, it's @kingphilbert3rd... Yeah, with a P-H... That's him, yep, now tap "follow"..."

'This 'Hamlet' thing you're working on... Do you think you could write in a part for Lady Godiva?!'

Caveman sees comment section below cave drawings,

Uses of a Dead Cat in History: The Pied Piper

"Do I need to know this stuff to get into medical school?"

Pun on Excalibur - Swiss Army knife appears from the lake.

"You just made medical history Mr Burnside. Your're the first one ever struck by lightning while on a bed pan."

'I can not tell a lie concerning the cherry tree: mistakes were made. However, I must consult with my spin doctors before saying more.'

A caveman attempting to make a cart

'Right - I'm going to sue the water company!'

"R.V. Lintel- Inventor of Polyroc

"... No, when I say, 'you must let go of the past' I mean you must return that vase to the museum you took it from."

"...I want to find out whether there's any truth in the belief that money can't buy happiness."

"My book is actually about 12th century Etruscan pottery but I thought it might sell better if I aimed it at the children's market."

Scottish Independence: The Union Jock.

Uses of a Dead Cat in History: The Graeae

Mummy has set up a pulley system in his sarcophagus.

"You look good for your age."

Cat scratch fever

"This is your great-great-great grandfather Luis. He met your great-great-great-grandmother at the store where she worked. He was there to buy a lawn mower! She sold him a sheep. They hadn't invented law mowers."

Useless-memory lane

Private View.

"I don't know about you, but ever since we invented language, I've been getting a lot less sex."

Unexpected Help for the Colonists at the Boston Tea Party

"You call it 'faith in God' when your faith is really in the humans who interpret what other humans wrote. Which was edited, revised, and translated by other humans. And was originally based on stories other humans orally passed from one generation of humans to the next, about events yet other humans claimed to have witnessed thousands of years ago."