History Humor Gifts

Jobs for the Taliban

'We've just learned how to talk and the first thing they say is 'No'.'

No, you idiots, they don't include a "comments" section.

'Which one of you told Glurk to stretch before running?'

'I was hoping you'd sign them 'To my good buddy Moses!''

'Yes, all at once!'

"Don't tell me we're eating Paleo again."

What's an Imax cave?

It isn't widely known that Michelangelo was the first in a long line of cartoonists to buck the family tradition.

The discovery of asparagus.

"It was a lot more satisfying before 'catch and release.'"

"Right here's fine."

"Why did we run out of wine?! I'll tell you why...Mary's son brought 12 of his friends who crashed the wedding party! That's why!"

'How could you flunk stone shop?'

An old-time engineer enters the cockpit on a flight.

Ruddy bloggers!

Another Turning Point in History. Oh, the heck with it -- I'll never get these antlers right. Mickey Moose.

This side is the gag reel.

The Fall of Gnome

A child at a museum starts to pull the wrappings off a mummy.

'We need to have a shake-up!'

"When I said make it RIGHT, I meant correctly."

"How the hell is that supposed to feed us?"

"Get off the stage and get a copy of 'Studies of Laughter in Interaction'—I think you'll enjoy it."

"The fourth horseman says that he will be late. He hasn't left the Old Testament yet."

'Finish your homework first, Og... then you can watch the wall.'

Under New Management. Actually, Betsy, we were hoping for a flag with a little more style.

Cat scratches on a pirate's wooden leg.

Bible Bloopers

Atlas with the earth, says: 'So then I thought, Why not just roll the damn thing?'

Are you the guy who ate my brother?

Short-lived Neanderthal Games: Slap The Sleeping Dinosaur

'I made your favorite for dinner — pterodactyl nuggets!'

Mortally Wounded at the Battle of Quebec, General James Wolfe Forgets His Last Words

"...it's another metal detector."