Artful Jokesters Gifts

"It's heartbreaking. He blew out his arm training for the season's big modern art exhibit, and he hasn't been able to get anything in the strike zone since then!"

Children disturbing a heart rate reading.

"Can't you do something more creative than messing around with cupboard doors?"

Extremely Practical Jokes.

'They said 'write what you know.' So I didn't write anything.'

"If we only use 10% of our brains, how am I supposed to get passing grades?"

"But you didn't say they had to make sense - you just told us to write a thousand words a day."

"What are you trying to tell me, girl? Are you hungry? You’re not hungry? The squirrels are skinny-dipping in the pool? Cats are making a hook rug out of your bed? You dug up Jimmy Hoffa?!" "Mitch liked messing with his dog's head."

Man on desert island using elastic to shoot him off the island.

'This painting's in very poor taste.' 'Yes. It's from his sour grapes period.'

'You're breaking up...please text me.'

'And that one painted and forgot to close the curtains.'

How do bright women get pregnant?

"He was right about saving that box. It did come in handy."

"It was worth a try."

The little rascal! He knows we're watching him and that he's safe next to his warren, so he's mooning us!

'We're having the whole place done over in pistachio!'

'Did you know that your lips move when you paint?'

"Come on, what would be the point of being a pilot fish if I couldn't wear cool pilot sunglasses?"

'If Michelangelo Was a Cartoonist.'

A Please Wipe Your Feet mat with words mixed up at the Dyslexic clinic.

Pantomimes Are Lousy Painters. . .

"Stop complaining...now when you wander off in the store, I can find you!"

"No father, when I say the man upstairs is angry, I mean my husband."

Everything was fine until Becky's little sister decided to skip double.

"Enjoying a sudden decrease in vision and hearing, are we, Horndog? Well, guess who's enjoying a headache!"

Downloading personal items on the company laptop.

Man lies online saying that he is not married and his wife hits him over the head with her rolling pin.

Night Deposit.

Artist

"Wanna go for a ride on the trouser snake?"

'Didn't you buy me exactly the same book for my birthday last year?' 'Yes I did... I hope you'll read it this year...'

'Heh, heh - So how does it feel to be the victim for a change?'

"Of course the computer's laughing at your stupid questions. You're using Giggle, not Google!"