Geriatric Jokers Gifts

'Remind me again. . . who's chasing who?'

"Sounds like cracked ribs. Try loosening your belt."

'I washed the gray right out of my hair, but now I can't get the gray out of my tub.'

"...At what point do hemorrhoids become 'just another hobby?'"

'Face it dear, we are as old as we look!'

"I play 'backside'. My 'backside' is always sitting on the bench."

"When I was your age I used my beak."

'Don't worry, fifty something is the new thirty something.'

"It's the Florida kid."

'Hot dang! Ethel, check out Raymond's new twenty-twos!'

Sticker: 'How's my driving you nuts?'

"You know, honestly I see it as half full."

Still Alive

'I tried letting it all hang out, and somebody stepped on it.'

"Happy birthday. They were out of bourbon so I got you those underpants you can pee in."

Old People Whisperer

Sorry the dementia statistics are not ready, they keep losing count.'

'Wanna come out and play?'

'I think I've found your expiration date.'

'The bottom of the garden's starting to look like a jungle again Brian.'

Dog with recurring nightmare.

'O.K...O.K...I won't mention retirement again!'

"I'm really glad that we're in this together."

"What on earth were you thinking of when you got those tattoos, Grandad?"

"I said, my testicles are cold." "That's because they're in the dog's water bowl again."

"Ready for your birthday present dear?" "Leave the diaper on! Leave the diaper on!"

Hey! I just figured out what I want to do with my life!

'It must have been the fork in the road.'

"Do you have a minute to talk about your retirement years?"

Christmas Burnout.

"No, kids, Grandma isn't 'way older' than these trees."

"You're here for piles? Piles of what?"

The why-the-long-face gag falls short.