Geriatric Jokers Gifts

'Remind me again. . . who's chasing who?'

"Sounds like cracked ribs. Try loosening your belt."

'If someone farts in the forest and there's no one around to smell it, does it make a stink?'

'I washed the gray right out of my hair, but now I can't get the gray out of my tub.'

'Retirement is OK, but instead of looking forword to weekends, I'm working at McDonalds.'

'Face it dear, we are as old as we look!'

"...At what point do hemorrhoids become 'just another hobby?'"

Old basketball players never die. . . they just pick and roll.

"I play 'backside'. My 'backside' is always sitting on the bench."

'Don't worry, fifty something is the new thirty something.'

"When I was your age I used my beak."

Sticker: 'How's my driving you nuts?'

"It's the Florida kid."

'Hot dang! Ethel, check out Raymond's new twenty-twos!'

"You know, honestly I see it as half full."

'I tried letting it all hang out, and somebody stepped on it.'

"Happy birthday. They were out of bourbon so I got you those underpants you can pee in."

Old People Whisperer

Still Alive

Sorry the dementia statistics are not ready, they keep losing count.'

'Wanna come out and play?'

'I think I've found your expiration date.'

"I said, my testicles are cold." "That's because they're in the dog's water bowl again."

"I'm really glad that we're in this together."

"What on earth were you thinking of when you got those tattoos, Grandad?"

"Ready for your birthday present dear?" "Leave the diaper on! Leave the diaper on!"

'O.K...O.K...I won't mention retirement again!'

Dog with recurring nightmare.

'The bottom of the garden's starting to look like a jungle again Brian.'

Hey! I just figured out what I want to do with my life!

'It must have been the fork in the road.'

"Do you have a minute to talk about your retirement years?"

"No, kids, Grandma isn't 'way older' than these trees."

Christmas Burnout.

"You're here for piles? Piles of what?"