Longevity Jokers Gifts

"Birthday cards by age. 40, 50, 60, 70, I can't believe you're still alive."

I'm taking you off trying to stay young.

The nutritional devils and angels on your shoulder.

"...and the King Cholesterol Meal comes with a side order of CPR."

"But he's way more fun than the rubber ducky."

"I feel so much more relaxed since I punched out my yoga instructor!"

'Second fastest gun in the west.'

'Well my lightest ever was 7lbs 4oz. . .'

"Leaving parties aren't as much fun since they put up the retirement age!"

"But is it Organic?"

Fairy Tales in Pandemic Time

'Hot dang! Ethel, check out Raymond's new twenty-twos!'

'Remind me again. . . who's chasing who?'

How's the diet going? - 'The first 8 minutes has been tough.' - 'How come?' - 'I had to skip my pre-mid morning post-mini-brunch snack.' - 'I don't think I can take it anymore...' - 'Hang in there, big guy...' -

Old People Whisperer

Still Alive

'Great, more trans-fats and cholesterol!'

'I can tell when it's getting close to New Year's.. my liver starts to quiver.'

'I think I've found your expiration date.'

"Ready for your birthday present dear?" "Leave the diaper on! Leave the diaper on!"

'I prefer these imported cigarettes - they don't have a health warning.'

'O.K...O.K...I won't mention retirement again!'

''Earn our bread by the sweat of our brow'? -- is that sanitary?'

"I hate my gym."

"I come from a family of long livers."

'I used to be able to carry up to fifty times my body weight, but now, for some reason, it's down to ten times...'

'It must have been the fork in the road.'

'Here, hold my dentures.'