Longevity Jokers T-Shirts

"Birthday cards by age. 40, 50, 60, 70, I can't believe you're still alive."

Micro Psychiatry Clinic. You have a full schedule today, Doctor. The helium atom will be here to work on his fear of heights. The white blood cell with a germ phobia and amoeba with separation anxiety are coming in. The DNA molecule will be here about an identity crisis. And here, in the sports car, comes a new patient, a carbon-14 isotope. Ah, looks like he's going through a half-life crisis!

I'm taking you off trying to stay young.

The nutritional devils and angels on your shoulder.

"...and the King Cholesterol Meal comes with a side order of CPR."

"But he's way more fun than the rubber ducky."

"I feel so much more relaxed since I punched out my yoga instructor!"

'Second fastest gun in the west.'

'Well my lightest ever was 7lbs 4oz. . .'

Old basketball players never die. . . they just pick and roll.

"But is it Organic?"

The whole "lasts longer" thing isn't really necessary here in eternity.

"Leaving parties aren't as much fun since they put up the retirement age!"

Fairy Tales in Pandemic Time

'Hot dang! Ethel, check out Raymond's new twenty-twos!'

'Remind me again. . . who's chasing who?'

How's the diet going? - 'The first 8 minutes has been tough.' - 'How come?' - 'I had to skip my pre-mid morning post-mini-brunch snack.' - 'I don't think I can take it anymore...' - 'Hang in there, big guy...' -

'I can tell when it's getting close to New Year's.. my liver starts to quiver.'

Everything's a joke to you Fuscos! Even water retention! ??

'Well, Mrs. Gilner, comparing the numbers, everything looks great. Your cholesterol is right in line, blood pressure good... you're definitely as healthy as a horse.'

'Great, more trans-fats and cholesterol!'

Still Alive

Old People Whisperer

'I think I've found your expiration date.'

'I used to be able to carry up to fifty times my body weight, but now, for some reason, it's down to ten times...'

"I come from a family of long livers."

"I hate my gym."

150th Anniversary Civil War Reenactment. We're not big history buffs --- We just like saying "sesquicentennial"!

"Ready for your birthday present dear?" "Leave the diaper on! Leave the diaper on!"

Number 6 did it.

'O.K...O.K...I won't mention retirement again!'

''Earn our bread by the sweat of our brow'? -- is that sanitary?'

'I prefer these imported cigarettes - they don't have a health warning.'

'It must have been the fork in the road.'

'Here, hold my dentures.'