Longevity Laugh-seekers T-Shirts

"That'll be five bucks."

'If you want to live a long time, try not to do anything that will kill you.'

"I used to drink to forget. Now, age-related, short-term memory loss takes care of that for me."

The Woodstock Medical-Emergency Tent - 1994

"I said remember those extra years we added to our lives by good clean livin'?"

"Take a look - that's us in ninety years."

Doctor to Banana: 'Looks like you're going to a ripe old age.'

"I give up. Where's the patient?'

"The doc says I won't even make it another 45 years."

'I have the feeling my expiration date is nearly up.'

"Oh f*ck yes. Let's make these f*ckers live for-f*cking-ever."

You're certain you've had plenty of experience serving in a fine dining restaurant?

"Happy anniversary, Clare. How'd you make it so many years?" "Figured it wasn't worth the prison time."

'I don't understand. Why do you want to have your arms extended?'

'No booze, no red meat, easy on the carbs...I've given up living so I can live longer.'

'Ain't it great, Wally, to be over the hill and not under it!'

'Don't be silly, dear. You don't look a day over one hundred eighty three.'

"I finished my act. Could you come over and give me a hand?"

'l leave worrying about taxes to those who pay them.'

"Fountain of youth? No, I'm searching for a cure for natural causes."

"I'm living proof that life begins at forty-three."

'There must be some mistake. According to our actuary tables I'm going to live to 83.'

Methuselah attends a job interview.

"Fred read red wine has lots of benefits including a longer life!"

"My advice about all the health foods you've been eating remember, living too long can kill you."

"I'm having a dry October. . . October 2045."

'Find the key to immortality tomorrow ... I gotta mop.'

'I do wish he'd stop showing off in front of his friends.'

"Have you tried the David and Goliath cocktail?"

At first she didn't want to live if it meant being attached to tubes. But before you knew it, they were getting along just fine.

'Well, if you were on the verge of 100, I'd let you reach it.'