Longevity Laugh-seekers Gifts

The whole "lasts longer" thing isn't really necessary here in eternity.

"That'll be five bucks."

'If you want to live a long time, try not to do anything that will kill you.'

"I used to drink to forget. Now, age-related, short-term memory loss takes care of that for me."

How Rings In Nature Indicate Aging.

The Woodstock Medical-Emergency Tent - 1994

"Take a look - that's us in ninety years."

"I said remember those extra years we added to our lives by good clean livin'?"

Doctor to Banana: 'Looks like you're going to a ripe old age.'

"I give up. Where's the patient?'

"The doc says I won't even make it another 45 years."

"Oh f*ck yes. Let's make these f*ckers live for-f*cking-ever."

'I have the feeling my expiration date is nearly up.'

You're certain you've had plenty of experience serving in a fine dining restaurant?

Win-win. Whenever I hear that from you, I want to hide under the counter. New research shows the only proven way to prolong life is caloric restriction. Eat less, live longer. Introducing our new breakfast meal plan: The Fountain of Youth. You get half a muffin and half a glass of water. Sounds meager. Exactly. That's why we're charging $16. But a full muffin only costs $4. And it won't prolong your life. Can you even put a price on immortality? How much should we charge for an empty plate of ai

'I don't understand. Why do you want to have your arms extended?'

"Happy anniversary, Clare. How'd you make it so many years?" "Figured it wasn't worth the prison time."

'No booze, no red meat, easy on the carbs...I've given up living so I can live longer.'

'Ain't it great, Wally, to be over the hill and not under it!'

"I finished my act. Could you come over and give me a hand?"

'Don't be silly, dear. You don't look a day over one hundred eighty three.'

'l leave worrying about taxes to those who pay them.'

"Fountain of youth? No, I'm searching for a cure for natural causes."

"I'm living proof that life begins at forty-three."

'There must be some mistake. According to our actuary tables I'm going to live to 83.'

"Fred read red wine has lots of benefits including a longer life!"

Methuselah attends a job interview.

"I'm having a dry October. . . October 2045."

"Have you tried the David and Goliath cocktail?"

"My advice about all the health foods you've been eating remember, living too long can kill you."

'Humans age the same way we do, every year is equal to seven years. I know this because Timmy has had a family birthday party, an extended family birthday party, a friend birthday party...

'I do wish he'd stop showing off in front of his friends.'

'The kids just get so upset when a pet dies, so we decided to get one of these tortoises that live to be 150.'

'Find the key to immortality tomorrow ... I gotta mop.'

At first she didn't want to live if it meant being attached to tubes. But before you knew it, they were getting along just fine.