Laugh-loving Life Enhancers Gifts

"And now ladies and gentlemen, I will reveal the secret of my success."

"Now that we're into spring, we want to warn you that spring fever can be contagious..."

"I give up. Where's the patient?'

"Would you describe the pain everyone else causes you as dull and throbbing or sharp like a knife?"

'Smile and say: tofu-based dairy substitute.'

"...and the King Cholesterol Meal comes with a side order of CPR."

IRS. That was a rough audit. They disallowed all of my deductions! You can't claim all these people as dependents ... The business expenses are not correct ... and the charitable contributions don't meet guidelines. You're shredding my return with that?! Wow! Ut was The Taxes Chainsaw Massacre!

"It's weeder's elbow."

The whole "lasts longer" thing isn't really necessary here in eternity.

"My New Year's resolution is to get fit and watch more TV."

"You sure you've done this before."

I also scheduled a pickup after we finish toiling in the fields. Amish Uber.

"Oh, no. I brought my dinner plans by mistake."

'I don't want to catch whatever the heck you've got.'

'When we talk, I have to take a lot for grunted.'

'The anesthesiologist called sick. It is my duty to inform you that you will feel a little bit of pain during the appendectomy.'

'I prefer these imported cigarettes - they don't have a health warning.'

Diet.

'The inflamed hemorrhoid is here to see you, Doctor.'

I lost my job as a political satirist because reality is funnier than I ever could be.

'Ha! How stupid do they think we are? Like we're really gonna bite a hook to get a measly worm so that we can be reeled up. Pretty pathetic, isn't it, Bill.....Bill?'

Robert tried the Heimlich Maneuver on a choking man.

STRIP Hambone: Depressed now delusions have gone

"I hope, for the sake of society that it's correct. This could be the finest shoe polish ever created."

"The doctors never gave up."

'Honey, can you put the cat out...!'

'I remember when he was with CND.'

"If you give me £1.00, I'll get him to eat your homework for you."