Health-conscious Jokers Gifts

Fairy Tales in Pandemic Time

'Here, hold my dentures.'

The nutritional devils and angels on your shoulder.

'Great, more trans-fats and cholesterol!'

At a drive-thru - 'Do you mind getting rid of that disgusting cigarette sir?!'

'I can tell when it's getting close to New Year's.. my liver starts to quiver.'

''Earn our bread by the sweat of our brow'? -- is that sanitary?'

"But is it Organic?"

Number 6 did it.

The new piece of the armor of God, "the facemask of fearlessness."

"I'll faithfully follow any diet plan as long as you also prescribe medical marijuana."

'Do you have to use that? -- tongue depressors make me hungry.'

'Say low-cholesterol dairy-free alternative to cheese!'

Only 1 calorie per serving: One million servings per can.

"He says that when he had a vegetable salad as an appetizer, he can now have burgers, pizza and Coke as a reward."

Vegetarian Nightmare.

'Fish has mercury, meat has e-coli, veggies have pesticides, desserts cause obesity...so we'll have the health-concious nothing for dinner' special.'

Moo-Magrams Exams

"I read that meat can remain undigested in one's intestines for five years...."

"I'm keeping 'up' distance... there's a reason they are called DROPlets."

'Climbing up a chair to take a bag of potato crisps out of the cupboard five times a day does nor count as exercise, sir!'

'After the age of fifty the 'c' word always means colonoscopy.'

"Cut down on the Ho-Ho's."

"...and the King Cholesterol Meal comes with a side order of CPR."

'If you're into preparing healthy meals then I recommend the apricot brandy. It contains the antioxidant beta carotene.'

New anti-obesity cookbook.

"One slice—hold the bread."

What's the antidote for wheat germ?

410 BC: The Roman empire begins its slide into decadence.

"Eat lots of carrots."

'Can you make me taste like broccoli?'

"But why not be happy about all the diseases you don't have?"

Formally foods that were good for you.

"The doctor said I've got 'texter's slump'."

"If you drink eight glasses of water every day, you'll due fully hydrated."