Health Jokers Gifts

How's the diet going? - 'The first 8 minutes has been tough.' - 'How come?' - 'I had to skip my pre-mid morning post-mini-brunch snack.' - 'I don't think I can take it anymore...' - 'Hang in there, big guy...' -

'I used to be able to carry up to fifty times my body weight, but now, for some reason, it's down to ten times...'

'Admit it, you're still smoking, aren't you?'

'Do you have to use that? -- tongue depressors make me hungry.'

'I'm going to try that 'vegan' thing, Joe -- give me some beer nuts.'

'Cock-a-doodle-doo!' 'Cut back on the chicken soup.'

'The doctor told me to introduce more greens into my diet.'

The nutritional devils and angels on your shoulder.

'I just came back from the allergist. I'm allergic to life.'

'If you're into preparing healthy meals then I recommend the apricot brandy. It contains the antioxidant beta carotene.'

Maintenance & Repairs. No wonder health care is so expensive, they told me to take to tablets every four hours.

'I understand the concept, sir, but I think I'd do better if it were a donut.'

'Well my lightest ever was 7lbs 4oz. . .'

'Are you sure sitting on a bean bag chair isn't considered getting a daily requirement of vegetables?'

"I think that form '10,000' steps may have been 9,999 too many!"

"But is it Organic?"

'...time you had your ears syringed?'

Fairy Tales in Pandemic Time

'Once he stopped sticking me with needles, I felt great!'

"Hold on! A new study says those are actually bad for you."

'It hurts when I cackle!'

'Looks to me as though you have an overactive thyroid!'

Health food and junk food

'Maybe I've got washboard abs underneath - you ever think that?'

Am I in good shape, Doc? If you think "spherical" is a good shape. (Published originally on January 9, 2014.)

"In my expert medical opinion, you are suffering from hypochondria."

'No, you can't count an extra olive in your martini as a serving of vegetables.'

I need something to hold my tummy in

"I work out so I don't have to eat kale."

'I'm trying to watch my weight so I hope that's low fat!'

'Your heart's in great shape, but I'd recommend transplanting all of your other body parts.'

Nightmares donuts have.

'Great, more trans-fats and cholesterol!'

"Would a test have told us if my goldfish had coronavirus?"

"This is where we run into problems with portion control."