Jokester About Aging Gifts

I'm taking you off trying to stay young.

'You know you're getting old when you take longer to recover than to get tired.'

"Relax. At your age, it's common to have a nose hare now and then."

'Do you have to use that? -- tongue depressors make me hungry.'

The Woodstock Medical-Emergency Tent - 1994

"Sounds like cracked ribs. Try loosening your belt."

'I washed the gray right out of my hair, but now I can't get the gray out of my tub.'

How are you feeling today? I feel just like a newborn baby. Really? Yes. No hair, no teeth, and I think I just wet my pants.

'If you're into preparing healthy meals then I recommend the apricot brandy. It contains the antioxidant beta carotene.'

Middle Age: When the four letter word you use most is 'What?'

'Face it dear, we are as old as we look!'

'No! No! No! I don't want to die. . . Then why are you carrying that enormous scythe?'

"Leaving parties aren't as much fun since they put up the retirement age!"

'...time you had your ears syringed?'

'Maybe I've got washboard abs underneath - you ever think that?'

"I know that you've always enoyed your work."

'I'm trying to watch my weight so I hope that's low fat!'

'If you're bored do some writing.You could start by writing your will.'

'Murder my spouse? Oh, that's nothing but an old wives' tale.'

"Well -- You're over 30 so you probably just slept on it wrong."

Mountain has tunnel called Carpal Tunnel.

Still Alive

Now showing: Retirement Village Vixens, You must be 65.

Old People Whisperer

'I think I've found your expiration date.'

'When I think of all the homework my dog ate, I can hardly believe that I'm sitting at this desk.'

Global Skate Boards...senior discount: 'High school SENIORS, Dude!'

"You have a beautiful smile. It would look great in a glass of water next to my bed."

"Ready for your birthday present dear?" "Leave the diaper on! Leave the diaper on!"

Skeleton on an out of order escalator.

'Yesterday he invented the wheel, today it rolled over his foot.'