Elderly Care Jokester Gifts

"Sounds like cracked ribs. Try loosening your belt."

"Boy, am I glad they finally hired more staff!"

"If you don't want stitches, that's fine. Suture self."

"Until the plaster sets, try not to laugh."

'You know you're getting old when you take longer to recover than to get tired.'

I'm taking you off trying to stay young.

"Relax. At your age, it's common to have a nose hare now and then."

The Woodstock Medical-Emergency Tent - 1994

'Take two and call me from the Emergency room.'

'I washed the gray right out of my hair, but now I can't get the gray out of my tub.'

'Could you stay out of the room for awhile, Nurse? -- Every time you walk in here, his testosterone levels surge.'

How are you feeling today? I feel just like a newborn baby. Really? Yes. No hair, no teeth, and I think I just wet my pants.

"There were some squiggly bits left over after the operation, so we gave you a doggie bag."

"Would you like to see today's liquidized menu?"

"If Doctor have time, after bringing dead back to life, Doctor fix Egor's hump?"

'Brain surgery, Harold? Have you lost your mind?!'

Middle Age: When the four letter word you use most is 'What?'

"Next time you give CPR try not to use your tongue."

'So did you want the ectomy, or just the otomy?'

"When I said the surgery was minimally invasive I wasn't talking about your finances."

'You'd better stick with blurry eyes, anxiety attacks and hallucinations, because he drug prescription, I'd give,shows even greater side effects!'

'I don't need a bed pan, but an oil pan would be nice.'

"Sergio, we don't have to spend so much money on health insurance."

'No! Not the second pair of gloves...'

'You've got Finklestein's syndrome!' - 'Are you Finklestein?'

"I wasn't dead yet."

'He still doesn't know how serious an amputation he's had, nurse, so try not to act too shocked.'

"The sleeping pills take time to work. Don't expect results overnight."

"Would you like to buy a raffle ticket?...First prize is a bed on one of the wards."

At the Old Bikers' Home

Surgeon General: 'CHECK IN MAGGOT'

"Would it kill you to throw some flossers in the Utility Belt?"

'Here! I saved his anal sacs for you.'

'Hot dang! Ethel, check out Raymond's new twenty-twos!'

Hospital Reception - Ring for assistance