Elderly Care Jokester Gifts

"Sounds like cracked ribs. Try loosening your belt."

"Boy, am I glad they finally hired more staff!"

"If you don't want stitches, that's fine. Suture self."

"Until the plaster sets, try not to laugh."

'You know you're getting old when you take longer to recover than to get tired.'

"Relax. At your age, it's common to have a nose hare now and then."

I'm taking you off trying to stay young.

The Woodstock Medical-Emergency Tent - 1994

'Take two and call me from the Emergency room.'

'I washed the gray right out of my hair, but now I can't get the gray out of my tub.'

'Could you stay out of the room for awhile, Nurse? -- Every time you walk in here, his testosterone levels surge.'

How are you feeling today? I feel just like a newborn baby. Really? Yes. No hair, no teeth, and I think I just wet my pants.

"Would you like to see today's liquidized menu?"

"There were some squiggly bits left over after the operation, so we gave you a doggie bag."

"If Doctor have time, after bringing dead back to life, Doctor fix Egor's hump?"

Middle Age: When the four letter word you use most is 'What?'

Pharmaco. He writes drug side effect warnings. Ah, a health scare provider.

'Brain surgery, Harold? Have you lost your mind?!'

"Next time you give CPR try not to use your tongue."

'So did you want the ectomy, or just the otomy?'

'You'd better stick with blurry eyes, anxiety attacks and hallucinations, because he drug prescription, I'd give,shows even greater side effects!'

"When I said the surgery was minimally invasive I wasn't talking about your finances."

'I don't need a bed pan, but an oil pan would be nice.'

"I wasn't dead yet."

'No! Not the second pair of gloves...'

"Sergio, we don't have to spend so much money on health insurance."

'He still doesn't know how serious an amputation he's had, nurse, so try not to act too shocked.'

'You've got Finklestein's syndrome!' - 'Are you Finklestein?'

"The sleeping pills take time to work. Don't expect results overnight."

"Would you like to buy a raffle ticket?...First prize is a bed on one of the wards."

At the Old Bikers' Home

'Hot dang! Ethel, check out Raymond's new twenty-twos!'

'Here! I saved his anal sacs for you.'

"Would it kill you to throw some flossers in the Utility Belt?"

Surgeon General: 'CHECK IN MAGGOT'