Jokesters Over 60 Gifts

Old People Whisperer

Children disturbing a heart rate reading.

"Don't tell me we're eating Paleo again."

I'm taking you off trying to stay young.

'I've only come to get my nail back.'

'I washed the gray right out of my hair, but now I can't get the gray out of my tub.'

"Your therapy will be a combination of drugs and clowns."

"But you didn't say they had to make sense - you just told us to write a thousand words a day."

Student to math teacher: 'My dog ate my homework and got arithmetics.'

"What are you trying to tell me, girl? Are you hungry? You’re not hungry? The squirrels are skinny-dipping in the pool? Cats are making a hook rug out of your bed? You dug up Jimmy Hoffa?!" "Mitch liked messing with his dog's head."

"This is our most practical model. It comes with a 21-year warranty."

'What, not even a kiss first?'

"Your toilet water over ice, sir. And how is the homework?"

"The good news is that you will have a healthy baby girl. The bad news is that she is a congenital liar."

Peniteniary for the terminally silly.

Clerk: 'Boy that Delivery guy sure has a THICK accent!'

"You boys who have to take your medications with food, now's the time."

Practical joke, violent offender rehab center: 'Relate to me!'

'I can't make it, I'm dead.'

"What do you mean, 'I'm in good shape for a man of forty'? I'm only twenty-six!"

'We're all gonna have lovely hangovers in the morning!'

Robot porn.

'Face it dear, we are as old as we look!'

'Any idea why your boyfriend is handing out cigars in the pub?'

The little rascal! He knows we're watching him and that he's safe next to his warren, so he's mooning us!

"It was worth a try."