Senior Citizen Humor Aficionados Pillows

'There's a gastroenterologist in my closet.'

"You're crappin' in the closet again, Claude."

'Of course I want a short back and sides. I've only got a back and sides.'

Lilly was too far from the phone to complain about her new stairlift.

"But, doctor, what are the advantages of living longer?"

"I see Joe Bosco passed away." "Yeah. I heard he laid down the boogie and played that funky music til he died."

Adam and Eve, as old people.

"Take a look - that's us in ninety years."

"At my age, your legs and bowels begin to go."

A senior moment.

David Blaine, Age 60

"Yes, dear. I'm pretty sure it's 'granny panties on the inside, pants on the outside.'"

"The Doctor says it's very rate for the superannuated to get taller."

'He won't start up on cold mornings.'

"What say we shake things up a bit, and go in and ask for a couple of home-pregnancy test kits."

"You're getting more wrinklier, grandpa. You should drink more water."

"Our house must be haunted. When I look in the mirror an old geezer-goat stands in front of me so I can't see myself."

'It's sadly ironic in a way - He can't hear the hearing aid commercials.'

"Don't let old age get you down. It's too difficult to get up again."

"He may have a royal flush. He may have a pair of twos. It's impossible to tell since he had Botox."

Can't stand him. He really gets on my nerves, he does. Old curmudgeon embarrassing himself like that."

'Did someone say something?'

Old man has a walking stick case.

"I know I'm getting old when one big fart throws my back out."

"You ain't wearin' a brassiere." "How could you tell?" "Cuz the wrinkles are all stretched out of yer face."

Old Golfers never die...only those who get in their buggies way!

Pension in race with tortoise and snail.

You know your getting old when you have to put on your reading glasses to trim your eyebrows...

Life begins at 60

'I feel just like a newborn baby. . . Yes, no hair, no teeth, and I think I just wet my pants.'

"How's your memory?"

'I need a low dose of Viagra please doctor. . .I just want it to stick out far enough so I don't wee on my shoes.'