Senior Citizen With A Sense Of Humor Pillows

"You've lost a little weight since your last physical, but you're also two inches shorter."

Church Basement Foodie

"You're crappin' in the closet again, Claude."

'As a matter of fact, I have the heart of a 30-year-old woman.'

"I see Joe Bosco passed away." "Yeah. I heard he laid down the boogie and played that funky music til he died."

"But, doctor, what are the advantages of living longer?"

Shirley Temple...The later years.. - 'Animal crackers in my poop...'

'We all shrink as we get older... You'll just have to be a little patient!'

James Bond: Senior Years.

"You're getting more wrinklier, grandpa. You should drink more water."

"Yes, dear. I'm pretty sure it's 'granny panties on the inside, pants on the outside.'"

Mort, the doctor says you can't get too riled up. It's bad for your heart. Yes, dear. You're not a young man anymore. You're not in tip-top shape. You don't eat well. You're not so muscular. I'm not a fan of your haircut. Nurse!

'He won't start up on cold mornings.'

"The Doctor says it's very rate for the superannuated to get taller."

'It's sadly ironic in a way - He can't hear the hearing aid commercials.'

'Did someone say something?'

Can't stand him. He really gets on my nerves, he does. Old curmudgeon embarrassing himself like that."

"I know I'm getting old when one big fart throws my back out."

Old man has a walking stick case.

"You ain't wearin' a brassiere." "How could you tell?" "Cuz the wrinkles are all stretched out of yer face."

"Meanwhile, in the Memory Care Unit... I said, your secret’s safe with me."

Old Golfers never die...only those who get in their buggies way!

"He may have a royal flush. He may have a pair of twos. It's impossible to tell since he had Botox."

'He's training for a career in law.'

'I feel just like a newborn baby. . . Yes, no hair, no teeth, and I think I just wet my pants.'

"How's your memory?"

Things You Say When You Are Officially Old - Volume # 2

Getting Old Sucks: "Incontinence hotline. Can you hold please?"

'You are always living in the past!'

At the Old Bikers' Home

"Yes, when I was young, I was a golden retriever: I'm more like a silver retriever now..."

'It's my prostate.'

"My back goes out more often than I do..."

You know you're getting old...when your mobile phone rings and you start taking photographs of your ear.

Bus. Routes. Time used to be on my side, now it's at my back and pushing.