Senior Citizen With A Sense Of Humor Pillows

"You've lost a little weight since your last physical, but you're also two inches shorter."

Church Basement Foodie

"You're crappin' in the closet again, Claude."

'As a matter of fact, I have the heart of a 30-year-old woman.'

"But, doctor, what are the advantages of living longer?"

"I see Joe Bosco passed away." "Yeah. I heard he laid down the boogie and played that funky music til he died."

'We all shrink as we get older... You'll just have to be a little patient!'

"You're getting more wrinklier, grandpa. You should drink more water."

"The Doctor says it's very rate for the superannuated to get taller."

"Yes, dear. I'm pretty sure it's 'granny panties on the inside, pants on the outside.'"

'He won't start up on cold mornings.'

'It's sadly ironic in a way - He can't hear the hearing aid commercials.'

Old Golfers never die...only those who get in their buggies way!

"I know I'm getting old when one big fart throws my back out."

Can't stand him. He really gets on my nerves, he does. Old curmudgeon embarrassing himself like that."

'Did someone say something?'

"Meanwhile, in the Memory Care Unit... I said, your secret’s safe with me."

"You ain't wearin' a brassiere." "How could you tell?" "Cuz the wrinkles are all stretched out of yer face."

"He may have a royal flush. He may have a pair of twos. It's impossible to tell since he had Botox."

Old man has a walking stick case.

'He's training for a career in law.'

'I feel just like a newborn baby. . . Yes, no hair, no teeth, and I think I just wet my pants.'

"How's your memory?"

Things You Say When You Are Officially Old - Volume # 2

Getting Old Sucks: "Incontinence hotline. Can you hold please?"

'You are always living in the past!'

"Yes, when I was young, I was a golden retriever: I'm more like a silver retriever now..."

'It's my prostate.'

"My back goes out more often than I do..."

At the Old Bikers' Home

You know you're getting old...when your mobile phone rings and you start taking photographs of your ear.

'Hot dang! Ethel, check out Raymond's new twenty-twos!'