Senior Citizen Humor Appreciator Pillows

Old Golfers never die...only those who get in their buggies way!

"He may have a royal flush. He may have a pair of twos. It's impossible to tell since he had Botox."

"You're crappin' in the closet again, Claude."

'As a matter of fact, I have the heart of a 30-year-old woman.'

"Take a look - that's us in ninety years."

"I see Joe Bosco passed away." "Yeah. I heard he laid down the boogie and played that funky music til he died."

"But, doctor, what are the advantages of living longer?"

'We all shrink as we get older... You'll just have to be a little patient!'

"You're getting more wrinklier, grandpa. You should drink more water."

"The Doctor says it's very rate for the superannuated to get taller."

"Yes, dear. I'm pretty sure it's 'granny panties on the inside, pants on the outside.'"

'He won't start up on cold mornings.'

"I didn't know you could do wheelies Stan."

'It's sadly ironic in a way - He can't hear the hearing aid commercials.'

Old man has a walking stick case.

'Did someone say something?'

"You ain't wearin' a brassiere." "How could you tell?" "Cuz the wrinkles are all stretched out of yer face."

You know you're getting old... when your barber spends more time on your eyebrows and ears than on the hairs on your head.

"I know I'm getting old when one big fart throws my back out."

'Can you spare a cup, for the bottom of my bird cage?'

Can't stand him. He really gets on my nerves, he does. Old curmudgeon embarrassing himself like that."

You know your getting old when you have to put on your reading glasses to trim your eyebrows...

"How's your memory?"

'I feel just like a newborn baby. . . Yes, no hair, no teeth, and I think I just wet my pants.'

Getting Old Sucks: "Incontinence hotline. Can you hold please?"

Things You Say When You Are Officially Old - Volume # 2

'It's my prostate.'

Toxic Relationship

"My back goes out more often than I do..."

At the Old Bikers' Home

"Yes, when I was young, I was a golden retriever: I'm more like a silver retriever now..."

'Hot dang! Ethel, check out Raymond's new twenty-twos!'

'Aha, the vitamins for seniors swaps additives for preservatives.'