Aging With Humor Aficionado Pillows

"I may be getting older, but my mind is still as sharp as a...umm...one of those little pointy things!"

"Why bother?"

"I used to drink to forget. Now, age-related, short-term memory loss takes care of that for me."

You can't get what up

Shirley Temple...The later years.. - 'Animal crackers in my poop...'

Birthday To-Do List

James Bond: Senior Years.

"Yes, dear. I'm pretty sure it's 'granny panties on the inside, pants on the outside.'"

Mort, the doctor says you can't get too riled up. It's bad for your heart. Yes, dear. You're not a young man anymore. You're not in tip-top shape. You don't eat well. You're not so muscular. I'm not a fan of your haircut. Nurse!

'It's sadly ironic in a way - He can't hear the hearing aid commercials.'

"I know I'm getting old when one big fart throws my back out."

"You ain't wearin' a brassiere." "How could you tell?" "Cuz the wrinkles are all stretched out of yer face."

"Meanwhile, in the Memory Care Unit... I said, your secret’s safe with me."

"My inner child just turned 62. Where's his money?"

Can't stand him. He really gets on my nerves, he does. Old curmudgeon embarrassing himself like that."

"Isn't Jim Carrey getting too old to make Jim Carrey movies?"

'Face it dear, we are as old as we look!'

"I call him auction man - his hair is going, his teeth are going, his sex drive has gone."

Getting Old Sucks: "Incontinence hotline. Can you hold please?"

'I feel just like a newborn baby. . . Yes, no hair, no teeth, and I think I just wet my pants.'

Listen, you're fine. Lots of people your age start fuhgeddabouding things.

"How's your memory?"

"I'm living proof that life begins at forty-three."

'You are always living in the past!'

Pregnant vs. Old.

"He's at that funny age. It takes twice as long to get over a good time, as to have it."

"My back goes out more often than I do..."

'It's my prostate.'

"Yes, when I was young, I was a golden retriever: I'm more like a silver retriever now..."

"How do you know my wish didn't come true."

'He's in a male 60 panic mode.'

'Humans age the same way we do, every year is equal to seven years. I know this because Timmy has had a family birthday party, an extended family birthday party, a friend birthday party...

"It's the Florida kid."

You know you're getting old...when your mobile phone rings and you start taking photographs of your ear.

"I wouldn't say that you're old, Dear, just way past your 'Best Before' date!"