Age-related Humor Aficionado Gifts

Global Skate Boards...senior discount: 'High school SENIORS, Dude!'

"Why bother?"

"800 years old?!! - Gosh... you must be feeling very 'long-in-the tooth."

You can't get what up

Birthday To-Do List

"What's your earliest memory, Sadie?" "You can not get under my skin, loser." "Maybe I can help you figure it out: were people wearing powdered wigs, or were they wearing togas?" "Did they live in primitive huts, or in trees?" "I'm not listening!" "Were they standing upright, or swimming in a primordial sea?" "You're about to be swimming in primordial soup."

"What do you mean, 'I'm in good shape for a man of forty'? I'm only twenty-six!"

"Let's face it,Rhoda-you're no spring chicken yourself!"

"Isn't Jim Carrey getting too old to make Jim Carrey movies?"

'You are always living in the past!'

'Face it, Frank - After 40 we all need glasses.'

Pregnant vs. Old.

"I wouldn't say that you're old, Dear, just way past your 'Best Before' date!"

"It's the Florida kid."

'Humans age the same way we do, every year is equal to seven years. I know this because Timmy has had a family birthday party, an extended family birthday party, a friend birthday party...

Yeah, well, when you're old, you'll get whiskers in weird places, too.

"Thank you for the lovely dinner, Perry. Would you like to come in for a stool softener?"

"Happy birthday. They were out of bourbon so I got you those underpants you can pee in."

Nancy Pelosi Gets a Speakership By Agreeing to Just Four More Years. How Many Years Does She Have Anyway?

'When I was your age I was five and a hlaf years old.'

"Fancy a bit of the other what, Reg?"

"Kick me"

An old Dracula's false teeth fall out.

How Fatherhood Affects Belt Height: Father/Grandfather/Great Grandfather.

'When did I become so old and morose?' 'I know. It seems only yesterday you were young and morose.'

"We card everyone. You're too old for a Shirley Temple."

"Were the muggers young? Oh yes, all under 70."

'The stylist got our instructions mixed up.'

"I said, my testicles are cold." "That's because they're in the dog's water bowl again."

Oh, my god, I'm starting to look like my mother.

"I may be getting older, but my mind is still as sharp as a...umm...one of those little pointy things!"

"No, kids, Grandma isn't 'way older' than these trees."

WINDMILLENIAL

Beware the middle class.

"You're here for piles? Piles of what?"