Age-related Humor Aficionado Gifts

Global Skate Boards...senior discount: 'High school SENIORS, Dude!'

"Why bother?"

"800 years old?!! - Gosh... you must be feeling very 'long-in-the tooth."

You can't get what up

Birthday To-Do List

"What's your earliest memory, Sadie?" "You can not get under my skin, loser." "Maybe I can help you figure it out: were people wearing powdered wigs, or were they wearing togas?" "Did they live in primitive huts, or in trees?" "I'm not listening!" "Were they standing upright, or swimming in a primordial sea?" "You're about to be swimming in primordial soup."

"What do you mean, 'I'm in good shape for a man of forty'? I'm only twenty-six!"

"Let's face it,Rhoda-you're no spring chicken yourself!"

"Isn't Jim Carrey getting too old to make Jim Carrey movies?"

'You are always living in the past!'

'Face it, Frank - After 40 we all need glasses.'

Pregnant vs. Old.

"It's the Florida kid."

"I wouldn't say that you're old, Dear, just way past your 'Best Before' date!"

"Fancy a bit of the other what, Reg?"

"Thank you for the lovely dinner, Perry. Would you like to come in for a stool softener?"

"Happy birthday. They were out of bourbon so I got you those underpants you can pee in."

"Kick me"

'When I was your age I was five and a hlaf years old.'

An old Dracula's false teeth fall out.

'The stylist got our instructions mixed up.'

"Were the muggers young? Oh yes, all under 70."

"I said, my testicles are cold." "That's because they're in the dog's water bowl again."

"I may be getting older, but my mind is still as sharp as a...umm...one of those little pointy things!"

Beware the middle class.

"No, kids, Grandma isn't 'way older' than these trees."

"You're here for piles? Piles of what?"

'My transplanted heart is 29, my transplanted kidney is 41, my transplanted lung is 38 and the rest of me is 59.'