Those Who Love Age-related Humor Gifts

Beware - Baby Boomers Turning 40.

"Why bother?"

"800 years old?!! - Gosh... you must be feeling very 'long-in-the tooth."

You can't get what up

Birthday To-Do List

"What's your earliest memory, Sadie?" "You can not get under my skin, loser." "Maybe I can help you figure it out: were people wearing powdered wigs, or were they wearing togas?" "Did they live in primitive huts, or in trees?" "I'm not listening!" "Were they standing upright, or swimming in a primordial sea?" "You're about to be swimming in primordial soup."

"What do you mean, 'I'm in good shape for a man of forty'? I'm only twenty-six!"

"Let's face it,Rhoda-you're no spring chicken yourself!"

"Isn't Jim Carrey getting too old to make Jim Carrey movies?"

'Face it, Frank - After 40 we all need glasses.'

Pregnant vs. Old.

'Humans age the same way we do, every year is equal to seven years. I know this because Timmy has had a family birthday party, an extended family birthday party, a friend birthday party...

"I wouldn't say that you're old, Dear, just way past your 'Best Before' date!"

"It's the Florida kid."

"I see Arthur's arthritus is acting up again."

'When I was your age I was five and a hlaf years old.'

Old Men on Rockers.

Yeah, well, when you're old, you'll get whiskers in weird places, too.

"Thank you for the lovely dinner, Perry. Would you like to come in for a stool softener?"

"Happy birthday. They were out of bourbon so I got you those underpants you can pee in."

How Fatherhood Affects Belt Height: Father/Grandfather/Great Grandfather.

'When did I become so old and morose?' 'I know. It seems only yesterday you were young and morose.'

"Were the muggers young? Oh yes, all under 70."

"I think men over thirty-six are very distinguished."

Global Skate Boards...senior discount: 'High school SENIORS, Dude!'

Oh, my god, I'm starting to look like my mother.

"The kids have sent us an app that reminds you what you were thinking twenty minutes ago."

"I said, my testicles are cold." "That's because they're in the dog's water bowl again."

"I've done it, dear. I've finally paid off my student loan!"

"You're here for piles? Piles of what?"

'My transplanted heart is 29, my transplanted kidney is 41, my transplanted lung is 38 and the rest of me is 59.'

Preservatives.

Estate Agent 'Last time buyer'

"Do we really want to spend our golden years judging people who buy the fancy-pants coffee drinks?"

"Whoa! Now there goes one fine pair of kidneys!"