Age-related Humor Lover Gifts

"Thank you for the lovely dinner, Perry. Would you like to come in for a stool softener?"

"Why bother?"

"800 years old?!! - Gosh... you must be feeling very 'long-in-the tooth."

You can't get what up

Birthday To-Do List

'How do you feel when you get up in the morning?' 'Amazed!'

"What's your earliest memory, Sadie?" "You can not get under my skin, loser." "Maybe I can help you figure it out: were people wearing powdered wigs, or were they wearing togas?" "Did they live in primitive huts, or in trees?" "I'm not listening!" "Were they standing upright, or swimming in a primordial sea?" "You're about to be swimming in primordial soup."

"What do you mean, 'I'm in good shape for a man of forty'? I'm only twenty-six!"

"Let's face it,Rhoda-you're no spring chicken yourself!"

"Isn't Jim Carrey getting too old to make Jim Carrey movies?"

'Face it, Frank - After 40 we all need glasses.'

Pregnant vs. Old.

"When you talked me into eternal life, you left out the part about menopause."

"I wouldn't say that you're old, Dear, just way past your 'Best Before' date!"

"It's the Florida kid."

"I see Arthur's arthritus is acting up again."

"Kick me"

An old Dracula's false teeth fall out.

Old Men on Rockers.

'When I was your age I was five and a hlaf years old.'

'I used to be an old fogey, but now I'm post-modern!'

"The kids have sent us an app that reminds you what you were thinking twenty minutes ago."

"Were the muggers young? Oh yes, all under 70."

Global Skate Boards...senior discount: 'High school SENIORS, Dude!'

"I've done it, dear. I've finally paid off my student loan!"

'Old age I can face - It's the thought of being forty that really bugs me.'

"You're here for piles? Piles of what?"

'My transplanted heart is 29, my transplanted kidney is 41, my transplanted lung is 38 and the rest of me is 59.'

"Whoa! Now there goes one fine pair of kidneys!"

Estate Agent 'Last time buyer'

Beware - Baby Boomers Turning 40.