Middle-age Humor Fan Gifts

'Now, why did I cross over here?' Middle-aged Chicken.

"You're not losing your hair Dad, it's right here in your comb."

"Norman still has seventies flashbacks sometimes."

"Relax Sven, I've heard it's quite common among Vikings of your age."

"Why bother?"

'Of course I want a short back and sides. I've only got a back and sides.'

Adam and Eve, as old people.

You can't get what up

Birthday To-Do List

"It's not so much a minivan as it is a hearse for our youth."

A senior moment.

David Blaine, Age 60

"Do you have any books on releasing the tiger within?"

"What's your earliest memory, Sadie?" "You can not get under my skin, loser." "Maybe I can help you figure it out: were people wearing powdered wigs, or were they wearing togas?" "Did they live in primitive huts, or in trees?" "I'm not listening!" "Were they standing upright, or swimming in a primordial sea?" "You're about to be swimming in primordial soup."

"Our house must be haunted. When I look in the mirror an old geezer-goat stands in front of me so I can't see myself."

"I don't think your old sports jersey shrunk. I think you grew."

"When I die, I'd like to die having sex..."

"Keep an eye on Old Bound Volume of Harpers. He's on the make."

"Hello, police? I'd like to report some suspicious activity. A youth without a phone in his hand."

"Isn't Jim Carrey getting too old to make Jim Carrey movies?"

'Dang.'

'I need a low dose of Viagra please doctor. . .I just want it to stick out far enough so I don't wee on my shoes.'

"Phew! You're ripe! What's that brown spot?"

'The Streetwise Men.'

Pregnant vs. Old.

"When you talked me into eternal life, you left out the part about menopause."

Surveillance Camera Phones on the Premises.

'I suppose they call it 'Middle age' because that is where you age shows...'

"Good news, we found a plant the cured baldness."

Dad Socks / Dad Sex

"I wouldn't say that you're old, Dear, just way past your 'Best Before' date!"

"She's definitely less plumpy."

"It's the Florida kid."

birthday meets reality

"I see Arthur's arthritus is acting up again."