Middle-age Humor Fan Pillows

"You're not losing your hair Dad, it's right here in your comb."

"Norman still has seventies flashbacks sometimes."

"Relax Sven, I've heard it's quite common among Vikings of your age."

"Why bother?"

'Of course I want a short back and sides. I've only got a back and sides.'

Adam and Eve, as old people.

You can't get what up

Birthday To-Do List

"It's not so much a minivan as it is a hearse for our youth."

A senior moment.

"Do you have any books on releasing the tiger within?"

David Blaine, Age 60

"What's your earliest memory, Sadie?" "You can not get under my skin, loser." "Maybe I can help you figure it out: were people wearing powdered wigs, or were they wearing togas?" "Did they live in primitive huts, or in trees?" "I'm not listening!" "Were they standing upright, or swimming in a primordial sea?" "You're about to be swimming in primordial soup."

"Our house must be haunted. When I look in the mirror an old geezer-goat stands in front of me so I can't see myself."

"Keep an eye on Old Bound Volume of Harpers. He's on the make."

"When I die, I'd like to die having sex..."

"I don't think your old sports jersey shrunk. I think you grew."

"Hello, police? I'd like to report some suspicious activity. A youth without a phone in his hand."

"Isn't Jim Carrey getting too old to make Jim Carrey movies?"

'Dang.'

'The Streetwise Men.'

'I need a low dose of Viagra please doctor. . .I just want it to stick out far enough so I don't wee on my shoes.'

Pregnant vs. Old.

"When you talked me into eternal life, you left out the part about menopause."

"I wouldn't say that you're old, Dear, just way past your 'Best Before' date!"

Dad Socks / Dad Sex

"Good news, we found a plant the cured baldness."

'I suppose they call it 'Middle age' because that is where you age shows...'

"It's the Florida kid."

"She's definitely less plumpy."

Surveillance Camera Phones on the Premises.

birthday meets reality

You know you're getting older when there are more candles on your cake than calories in it!

"I see Arthur's arthritus is acting up again."

"This is not exactly how I envisioned watching the grass grow in my retirement."