Classy Drink Humorist Pillows

"Bubbles, huh? Call it what you want...it's still just gas."

"He could have been the national bird, but that was a long, long time ago."

Honest Vending

'I met my wife in unfortunate circumstances. I was single.'

Freudian Bar & Grill...Jungian Pub: 'We can out drink those Freudians ant day of the week!...'And twice on Sunday!' ...'Yeah!' ... e

'Wine, high octane grape juice.'

'Man...You age great!'

"What other tricks does he need?"

Teapot

'George, you're supposed to be tasting the wine, not seeing what effect it has.'

"Drinking improves my vodkabulary."

"So who ordered the 'Yo-ho-ho and a bottle of rum on a dead mans chest'?"

'I don't actually want to learn so much that I become a wine buff - just a wine snob!'

'No, I can't remember the name of the wine, but it did come in a bottle about this tall, if that's any help.'

Join me in a beer?

Mo's USA Bar: Tips/Tariffs

'Who took the cork out of my lunch?'

'Of all the fern bars in Encino, she's gotta walk into mine.'

'Water is a valuable good and we should use it sparingly. That's why I'd like my Scotch straight.'

"It's Olive isn't it?"

If a motorist came bursting through the doors...would he be up for damages?

"Would you please sip your drink and not swill it!"

"It's for his shakes."

'That's right. Ploughman's lunch; Egg, beans and sausage. It's what he orders every time he comes in here.'

'I'd like a brandy please...'

"Nope, no need to smell the cork."

"I couldn't help overhearing what you ladies said about all the chlorine in the toilet water, and I could not agree more."

"No thanks, just the peanuts."

"Do you have a wine that tastes like beer?"

'I noticed your wine list only has reds and whites. Don't you have any yellow wines?'

'Two pints of blonde please.'

'I'm having what he's having.'

"If your boyfriend is so special, why is his name tattooed on the back of your neck where you can't see it?"

I don't like it when lawyers put coffee on my desk. Relax, judge. It's tequila.

Why don't we wait until we know each other better before I tell you how I got the name 'Humpty'.