Booze Humorist Pillows

Join me in a beer?

"He could have been the national bird, but that was a long, long time ago."

"Give me all the caffeine you have."

'I met my wife in unfortunate circumstances. I was single.'

"What other tricks does he need?"

Teapot

Cross-country runners picking up water and spare batteries.

"Of course I've been drinking!"

'You've had enough!'

"Drinking improves my vodkabulary."

Hydration

'It appears Alzedo is toying with his opponent.'

Mo's USA Bar: Tips/Tariffs

'Of all the fern bars in Encino, she's gotta walk into mine.'

"Would you please sip your drink and not swill it!"

If a motorist came bursting through the doors...would he be up for damages?

'You've had enough!'

"Fetch and roll over weren't enough-then they sent me to philosophy classes."

'Looks like another typical caffeine overdose.'

"... But, Derek. The travel agent told us not to drink the water!"

"For crying out loud! It’s empty!!"

'I'd like a brandy please...'

'He's clever alright-just watch him dry up when it's HIS round!'

"No thanks, just the peanuts."

"Well, team....time to trade our 'You Got This!' coffee mugs to the 'Mistakes Were Made' mugs."

'That's right. Ploughman's lunch; Egg, beans and sausage. It's what he orders every time he comes in here.'

To make your computer faster, please pour two cups of Espresso into your CD drive.

'Can't you come up with something more elegant than 'Dave's Homemade Booze'?'

"I'm not sure I can really help you. I've dealt with hundreds of rodent infestations, but I've never even heard of Beerkats!"

People talking through a stethoscope.

"Wow, that's amazing! I've only been to this bar once before. I'm surprised you remembered my round!"

Knight with a tap in his armour.

'Two pints of blonde please.'

"Excuse me....water!!"

"As this is our first date, perhaps I should tell you that I participate in several frequent liar programmes."