Booze Humorist Pillows

Join me in a beer?

"He could have been the national bird, but that was a long, long time ago."

"Give me all the caffeine you have."

'I met my wife in unfortunate circumstances. I was single.'

"What other tricks does he need?"

Teapot

Cross-country runners picking up water and spare batteries.

"Of course I've been drinking!"

'You've had enough!'

Hydration

"Drinking improves my vodkabulary."

'Of all the fern bars in Encino, she's gotta walk into mine.'

'It appears Alzedo is toying with his opponent.'

Mo's USA Bar: Tips/Tariffs

If a motorist came bursting through the doors...would he be up for damages?

'You've had enough!'

"Would you please sip your drink and not swill it!"

"Fetch and roll over weren't enough-then they sent me to philosophy classes."

'Looks like another typical caffeine overdose.'

"No thanks, just the peanuts."

'That's right. Ploughman's lunch; Egg, beans and sausage. It's what he orders every time he comes in here.'

"... But, Derek. The travel agent told us not to drink the water!"

'I'd like a brandy please...'

'He's clever alright-just watch him dry up when it's HIS round!'

"For crying out loud! It’s empty!!"

"Well, team....time to trade our 'You Got This!' coffee mugs to the 'Mistakes Were Made' mugs."

'Can't you come up with something more elegant than 'Dave's Homemade Booze'?'

To make your computer faster, please pour two cups of Espresso into your CD drive.

"Wow, that's amazing! I've only been to this bar once before. I'm surprised you remembered my round!"

'I'm having what he's having.'

"I'm not sure I can really help you. I've dealt with hundreds of rodent infestations, but I've never even heard of Beerkats!"

People talking through a stethoscope.

Knight with a tap in his armour.

Why don't we wait until we know each other better before I tell you how I got the name 'Humpty'.

Heirlooms of Tomorrow