Wine Humorist Gifts

'I don't actually want to learn so much that I become a wine buff - just a wine snob!'

'No, I can't remember the name of the wine, but it did come in a bottle about this tall, if that's any help.'

'I quite the wine class after 5 minutes. The instructor started by saying that wine a liquid, but it's dry.'

'George, you're supposed to be tasting the wine, not seeing what effect it has.'

"Do you have a wine that tastes like beer?"

"A whino!"

"Would you like an ice bucket with your Champagne?"

"Would sir like to try the wine. . . ?"

"He's a wino-saur."

"A cheeky little wine, would you agree?"

"...and I'll have a glass of the house Merlot -- shaken, not stirred."

'You opened it five hours ago. If it breathes any more, it's going to hyperventilate.'

'Wine, high octane grape juice.'

Every business along this street additionally sells wine.

'How come your oldest vintage is on the top shelf?' 'I can't reach up there!'

'I limit myself to just one glass of wine a day...'

'I noticed your wine list only has reds and whites. Don't you have any yellow wines?'

'For future reference, just the bottle goes in the chiller.'

Wine Selection 'Here we are. Our cheapest house wine. Would the gentleman care to smell the twisty cap?'

"This wine tastes like a**....Bring me every bottle you have!"

'Brand X, the wine for those with indiscriminate taste.'

A high wire act walks over to a bottle of wine.

"Hey! Waiter! This is a dessert wine!"

'Who took the cork out of my lunch?'

"This family-owned boutique wine is produced from a single grape."

'Ahh, the '74 Amarone. Unfortunately, I can't sell it to you. There's no possible way you'd appreciate it.'

'Bob will be with you in a moment. He's cleaning the filter to the wine-aroma-judging-device attached to his face.'

"I find a good cabernet is the best way to put my money where my mouth is."

'Sir has made the most discerning choice to wash it down with Drain Glug.'

Grape vines think alike.

'At home, he's my husband, here; he's my dump bucket.'

'The way I see it, sobriety is a preventable, condition.'

'How wonderful, I've always wanted to meet a connoisseur of wines costing under £4.99 a bottle.'

Waiter watering down wine

'Mmm...it's got a good nose on it.'