Wine Comedy Fan Gifts

'Bob will be with you in a moment. He's cleaning the filter to the wine-aroma-judging-device attached to his face.'

'Wine, high octane grape juice.'

'George, you're supposed to be tasting the wine, not seeing what effect it has.'

"This wine tastes like a**....Bring me every bottle you have!"

Wino Appreciation Group

'I don't actually want to learn so much that I become a wine buff - just a wine snob!'

'No, I can't remember the name of the wine, but it did come in a bottle about this tall, if that's any help.'

A high wire act walks over to a bottle of wine.

"Hey! Waiter! This is a dessert wine!"

"This family-owned boutique wine is produced from a single grape."

'Who took the cork out of my lunch?'

'Ahh, the '74 Amarone. Unfortunately, I can't sell it to you. There's no possible way you'd appreciate it.'

"I picked this one up in France while my wife had her hip replaced."

"I find a good cabernet is the best way to put my money where my mouth is."

"Nope, no need to smell the cork."

"Do you have a wine that tastes like beer?"

'I noticed your wine list only has reds and whites. Don't you have any yellow wines?'

'Sir has made the most discerning choice to wash it down with Drain Glug.'

"It's disappointing, but if that's the biggest you've got ..."

"Would sir like to try the wine. . . ?"

'You opened it five hours ago. If it breathes any more, it's going to hyperventilate.'

"A cheeky red?"

'At home, he's my husband, here; he's my dump bucket.'

Waiter watering down wine

"Would you like an ice bucket with your Champagne?"

"A cheeky little wine, would you agree?"

'How come your oldest vintage is on the top shelf?' 'I can't reach up there!'

'For future reference, just the bottle goes in the chiller.'

"A whino!"

'How wonderful, I've always wanted to meet a connoisseur of wines costing under £4.99 a bottle.'

'Mmm...it's got a good nose on it.'

"He's a wino-saur."

'Dagnabit, stranger! Is you sayin' I don't know the difference between a cabernet sauvignon, and a merlot?!!'

Don't confuse me with justice, counselor. Justice is blind. I'm just blind drunk.

'You know, our collection of bottle bags is worth more than our collection of wines.'