Humor-loving Wine Fans Gifts

A high wire act walks over to a bottle of wine.

'Wine, high octane grape juice.'

'George, you're supposed to be tasting the wine, not seeing what effect it has.'

"This wine tastes like a**....Bring me every bottle you have!"

'Brand X, the wine for those with indiscriminate taste.'

'No, I can't remember the name of the wine, but it did come in a bottle about this tall, if that's any help.'

'I don't actually want to learn so much that I become a wine buff - just a wine snob!'

"Hey! Waiter! This is a dessert wine!"

"This family-owned boutique wine is produced from a single grape."

'Who took the cork out of my lunch?'

'Ahh, the '74 Amarone. Unfortunately, I can't sell it to you. There's no possible way you'd appreciate it.'

"Wait. Let it breathe."

'Bob will be with you in a moment. He's cleaning the filter to the wine-aroma-judging-device attached to his face.'

"I picked this one up in France while my wife had her hip replaced."

"I find a good cabernet is the best way to put my money where my mouth is."

"Nope, no need to smell the cork."

"Do you have a wine that tastes like beer?"

"At our age I figure we only have two taste buds left. One for vodka and one for wine."

'I noticed your wine list only has reds and whites. Don't you have any yellow wines?'

'Sir has made the most discerning choice to wash it down with Drain Glug.'

"It's disappointing, but if that's the biggest you've got ..."

"Would sir like to try the wine. . . ?"

'For future reference, just the bottle goes in the chiller.'

'At home, he's my husband, here; he's my dump bucket.'

'How wonderful, I've always wanted to meet a connoisseur of wines costing under £4.99 a bottle.'

Waiter watering down wine

'How come your oldest vintage is on the top shelf?' 'I can't reach up there!'

"Would you like an ice bucket with your Champagne?"

"A whino!"

"A cheeky little wine, would you agree?"

'You opened it five hours ago. If it breathes any more, it's going to hyperventilate.'

'Mmm...it's got a good nose on it.'

"He's a wino-saur."

'You know, our collection of bottle bags is worth more than our collection of wines.'

Don't confuse me with justice, counselor. Justice is blind. I'm just blind drunk.