Humor-loving Wine Lover Gifts

'You know, our collection of bottle bags is worth more than our collection of wines.'

'Wine, high octane grape juice.'

'George, you're supposed to be tasting the wine, not seeing what effect it has.'

'Tomato ketchup?' 'Well you wanted the house red.'

"This wine tastes like a**....Bring me every bottle you have!"

'I don't actually want to learn so much that I become a wine buff - just a wine snob!'

'No, I can't remember the name of the wine, but it did come in a bottle about this tall, if that's any help.'

A high wire act walks over to a bottle of wine.

"Hey! Waiter! This is a dessert wine!"

'Who took the cork out of my lunch?'

"I picked this one up in France while my wife had her hip replaced."

'Bob will be with you in a moment. He's cleaning the filter to the wine-aroma-judging-device attached to his face.'

"Do you have a wine that tastes like beer?"

'I noticed your wine list only has reds and whites. Don't you have any yellow wines?'

'Sir has made the most discerning choice to wash it down with Drain Glug.'

'Gentlemen, tonight's special is broiled sea urchin, with raspberries, over candy corn, with a goat's milk sauce. I would suggest a wine to recommend with it, had I attended sommelier school in the Twilight Zone.'

"At our age I figure we only have two taste buds left. One for vodka and one for wine."

"Would sir like to try the wine. . . ?"

Waiter watering down wine

'At home, he's my husband, here; he's my dump bucket.'

"Would you like an ice bucket with your Champagne?"

'You opened it five hours ago. If it breathes any more, it's going to hyperventilate.'

"A cheeky little wine, would you agree?"

'How wonderful, I've always wanted to meet a connoisseur of wines costing under £4.99 a bottle.'

'How come your oldest vintage is on the top shelf?' 'I can't reach up there!'

'For future reference, just the bottle goes in the chiller.'

"A whino!"

'Mmm...it's got a good nose on it.'

"He's a wino-saur."

Angelic Wine

Swine List

'Dagnabit, stranger! Is you sayin' I don't know the difference between a cabernet sauvignon, and a merlot?!!'

'I quite the wine class after 5 minutes. The instructor started by saying that wine a liquid, but it's dry.'