Humor-loving Wine Lover Pillows

'You know, our collection of bottle bags is worth more than our collection of wines.'

'Wine, high octane grape juice.'

'George, you're supposed to be tasting the wine, not seeing what effect it has.'

'Tomato ketchup?' 'Well you wanted the house red.'

"This wine tastes like a**....Bring me every bottle you have!"

'No, I can't remember the name of the wine, but it did come in a bottle about this tall, if that's any help.'

'I don't actually want to learn so much that I become a wine buff - just a wine snob!'

A high wire act walks over to a bottle of wine.

'Who took the cork out of my lunch?'

"Hey! Waiter! This is a dessert wine!"

'Bob will be with you in a moment. He's cleaning the filter to the wine-aroma-judging-device attached to his face.'

"I picked this one up in France while my wife had her hip replaced."

"Nope, no need to smell the cork."

"Do you have a wine that tastes like beer?"

'Sir has made the most discerning choice to wash it down with Drain Glug.'

'I noticed your wine list only has reds and whites. Don't you have any yellow wines?'

'Gentlemen, tonight's special is broiled sea urchin, with raspberries, over candy corn, with a goat's milk sauce. I would suggest a wine to recommend with it, had I attended sommelier school in the Twilight Zone.'

"At our age I figure we only have two taste buds left. One for vodka and one for wine."

"Would sir like to try the wine. . . ?"

"It's disappointing, but if that's the biggest you've got ..."

'At home, he's my husband, here; he's my dump bucket.'

Waiter watering down wine

"Would you like an ice bucket with your Champagne?"

"A whino!"

"A cheeky little wine, would you agree?"

'How wonderful, I've always wanted to meet a connoisseur of wines costing under £4.99 a bottle.'

'You opened it five hours ago. If it breathes any more, it's going to hyperventilate.'

'How come your oldest vintage is on the top shelf?' 'I can't reach up there!'

'For future reference, just the bottle goes in the chiller.'

'Mmm...it's got a good nose on it.'

Angelic Wine

"He's a wino-saur."

'Dagnabit, stranger! Is you sayin' I don't know the difference between a cabernet sauvignon, and a merlot?!!'

Don't confuse me with justice, counselor. Justice is blind. I'm just blind drunk.

Swine List