Wine Enthusiast With Humor Pillows

"Hey! Waiter! This is a dessert wine!"

'... And this is my cellar.'

"Is there any way I can un-drink this wine?"

'Wine, high octane grape juice.'

'George, you're supposed to be tasting the wine, not seeing what effect it has.'

"I'm getting plasma, iron and platelets. RH positive!"

"This wine tastes like a**....Bring me every bottle you have!"

'I don't actually want to learn so much that I become a wine buff - just a wine snob!'

'No, I can't remember the name of the wine, but it did come in a bottle about this tall, if that's any help.'

'Who took the cork out of my lunch?'

'What have you got in the way of an imported red that has a label that doesn't look like my cat drew it?'

"This family-owned boutique wine is produced from a single grape."

'Ahh, the '74 Amarone. Unfortunately, I can't sell it to you. There's no possible way you'd appreciate it.'

"I find a good cabernet is the best way to put my money where my mouth is."

"Nope, no need to smell the cork."

"Do you have a wine that tastes like beer?"

'Sir has made the most discerning choice to wash it down with Drain Glug.'

'Gentlemen, tonight's special is broiled sea urchin, with raspberries, over candy corn, with a goat's milk sauce. I would suggest a wine to recommend with it, had I attended sommelier school in the Twilight Zone.'

"It's disappointing, but if that's the biggest you've got ..."

"Would sir like to try the wine. . . ?"

'I noticed your wine list only has reds and whites. Don't you have any yellow wines?'

'How wonderful, I've always wanted to meet a connoisseur of wines costing under £4.99 a bottle.'

"A whino!"

'At home, he's my husband, here; he's my dump bucket.'

'For future reference, just the bottle goes in the chiller.'

Waiter watering down wine

"Would you like an ice bucket with your Champagne?"

"A cheeky little wine, would you agree?"

'You opened it five hours ago. If it breathes any more, it's going to hyperventilate.'

'How come your oldest vintage is on the top shelf?' 'I can't reach up there!'

'Mmm...it's got a good nose on it.'

"This bottle is defective - it stopped pouring!"

"He's a wino-saur."

'Dagnabit, stranger! Is you sayin' I don't know the difference between a cabernet sauvignon, and a merlot?!!'

Swine List