Wine Aficionado With A Quirky Side Pillows

Swine List

Wine Lady

'... And this is my cellar.'

"Is there any way I can un-drink this wine?"

"I'm getting plasma, iron and platelets. RH positive!"

"This wine tastes like a**....Bring me every bottle you have!"

"Hey! Waiter! This is a dessert wine!"

'What have you got in the way of an imported red that has a label that doesn't look like my cat drew it?'

'Did you hear? We have a new slogan: Artisan-crafted wine made the old-world way.'

'Who took the cork out of my lunch?'

"I want a wine that's wise but unassuming, and not ashamed of a screw on cap."

'Sir has made the most discerning choice to wash it down with Drain Glug.'

'Gentlemen, tonight's special is broiled sea urchin, with raspberries, over candy corn, with a goat's milk sauce. I would suggest a wine to recommend with it, had I attended sommelier school in the Twilight Zone.'

'How wonderful, I've always wanted to meet a connoisseur of wines costing under £4.99 a bottle.'

"This bottle is defective - it stopped pouring!"

'How did I fill all this in for only $75.00? Easy, I only collect corked wines.'

"Teaching him to use a knife and fork was easy but he still can't tell a Merlot from a Chianti!"

Angelic Wine

"What wine would you recommend to go with male chauvinist pork?"

'You know, our collection of bottle bags is worth more than our collection of wines.'

'If the pesticides, herbicides and fungicides keep us from selling this as wine, how about we go into the nightlight business?'

'Of course you feel unwell. You have too much blood in your alcohol stream!'

'The art is only so-so, but the California white wine is quite acceptable.'

"Dinner is poured."

"Wine with dinner tonight, Tom - and it's locally sourced!"

'Look, Emily, a wine cartoon. I had no idea wine was humorous.'

Mom wine tasting