Wine Enthusiast Humor Gifts

Waiter watering down wine

A man drinks wine

'Wine, high octane grape juice.'

Opening the Barrel

'George, you're supposed to be tasting the wine, not seeing what effect it has.'

"This wine tastes like a**....Bring me every bottle you have!"

'Brand X, the wine for those with indiscriminate taste.'

'I don't actually want to learn so much that I become a wine buff - just a wine snob!'

'No, I can't remember the name of the wine, but it did come in a bottle about this tall, if that's any help.'

A high wire act walks over to a bottle of wine.

"Hey! Waiter! This is a dessert wine!"

'Who took the cork out of my lunch?'

"This family-owned boutique wine is produced from a single grape."

'Ahh, the '74 Amarone. Unfortunately, I can't sell it to you. There's no possible way you'd appreciate it.'

'Bob will be with you in a moment. He's cleaning the filter to the wine-aroma-judging-device attached to his face.'

"I find a good cabernet is the best way to put my money where my mouth is."

"Nope, no need to smell the cork."

"Do you have a wine that tastes like beer?"

'I noticed your wine list only has reds and whites. Don't you have any yellow wines?'

"At our age I figure we only have two taste buds left. One for vodka and one for wine."

'Sir has made the most discerning choice to wash it down with Drain Glug.'

"Would sir like to try the wine. . . ?"

"It's disappointing, but if that's the biggest you've got ..."

'At home, he's my husband, here; he's my dump bucket.'

"Would you like an ice bucket with your Champagne?"

'How wonderful, I've always wanted to meet a connoisseur of wines costing under £4.99 a bottle.'

"A cheeky little wine, would you agree?"

'You opened it five hours ago. If it breathes any more, it's going to hyperventilate.'

'How come your oldest vintage is on the top shelf?' 'I can't reach up there!'

'For future reference, just the bottle goes in the chiller.'

"A whino!"

'Mmm...it's got a good nose on it.'

"He's a wino-saur."

Don't confuse me with justice, counselor. Justice is blind. I'm just blind drunk.

'You know, our collection of bottle bags is worth more than our collection of wines.'