Wine Snob Humor Gifts

"...and I'll have the Chilean Merlot - shaken, not stirred."

"You'll love this. It's swarthy yet munificent, didactic and gregarious with hints of dogma."

"It better not be any of that over oaked chardonnay."

Wine Selection 'Here we are. Our cheapest house wine. Would the gentleman care to smell the twisty cap?'

Every time you make a blend, somewhere, a wine maker dies.

"I make it myself!"

"The wine has subtle hints of expensive pretension, but it's balanced nicely by the screw cap."

"In our house the four major food groups are Bordeaux, Merlot, Chardonnay and Champagne."

Wine tasting

"Would madam like to sniff the resealable cap?"

"This wine tastes like a**....Bring me every bottle you have!"

"When a wine rates over ninety, this is not alcoholism."

'My husband will order the wine. He happens to be a graduate of the 3-Second Master of Wine program.'

"Pinot Noir, God's apology for White Zinfandel."

A high wire act walks over to a bottle of wine.

"Hey! Waiter! This is a dessert wine!"

Wine: New & Old!!!

"House red, sir?"

'Who took the cork out of my lunch?'

"This family-owned boutique wine is produced from a single grape."

'Ahh, the '74 Amarone. Unfortunately, I can't sell it to you. There's no possible way you'd appreciate it.'

"It tastes and smells just like a glass of wine!"

'Sorry, I only drink still wines. I don't have the patience to wait for bubbles to pop.'

"I had no idea Dom Perignon came with a screw top."

'Bob will be with you in a moment. He's cleaning the filter to the wine-aroma-judging-device attached to his face.'

Prosecco Drinker

"I find a good cabernet is the best way to put my money where my mouth is."

"It's an unpretentious little wine!"

"What wine goes best with vodka?"

'Dear, of course no one can tell you what they think of the wine, you haven't told them how much it cost yet.'

'A 1982 bottle of KMart Beaujolais Nouveau? You shouldn't have, really. I mean you really, really shouldn't have...really.'

"How much do you spend on a decent bottle of wine?"

"Yeah, he changed water into wine but it was nothing you'd want to lay down."

"I'm getting gnats, I'm getting cats, I'm getting dogs..."

"Waiter, this wine is corked!"