Wine Snob Humorist Gifts

'Ahh, the '74 Amarone. Unfortunately, I can't sell it to you. There's no possible way you'd appreciate it.'

"Actually, we don't sell much Viognier, but the guy who sells me Viognier? -- that guy sells a lot of Viognier."

"If van Gogh tasted this wine, he'd cut off his tongue."

"This family-owned boutique wine is produced from a single grape."

"I find a good cabernet is the best way to put my money where my mouth is."

"You'll love this. It's swarthy yet munificent, didactic and gregarious with hints of dogma."

"It better not be any of that over oaked chardonnay."

Wine Selection 'Here we are. Our cheapest house wine. Would the gentleman care to smell the twisty cap?'

Every time you make a blend, somewhere, a wine maker dies.

'Why, thank you. When they started the vineyard five generations ago, I heard they were shooting for freakin' awesome.'

"I make it myself!"

'Wine, high octane grape juice.'

"The wine has subtle hints of expensive pretension, but it's balanced nicely by the screw cap."

"In our house the four major food groups are Bordeaux, Merlot, Chardonnay and Champagne."

'George, you're supposed to be tasting the wine, not seeing what effect it has.'

Wine tasting

"Would madam like to sniff the resealable cap?"

"This wine tastes like a**....Bring me every bottle you have!"

'My husband will order the wine. He happens to be a graduate of the 3-Second Master of Wine program.'

"When a wine rates over ninety, this is not alcoholism."

'No, I can't remember the name of the wine, but it did come in a bottle about this tall, if that's any help.'

'I don't actually want to learn so much that I become a wine buff - just a wine snob!'

"Pinot Noir, God's apology for White Zinfandel."

"Hey! Waiter! This is a dessert wine!"

'Who took the cork out of my lunch?'

"House red, sir?"

Wine: New & Old!!!

"It tastes and smells just like a glass of wine!"

'Sorry, I only drink still wines. I don't have the patience to wait for bubbles to pop.'

"It's an unpretentious little wine!"

Prosecco Drinker

'Bob will be with you in a moment. He's cleaning the filter to the wine-aroma-judging-device attached to his face.'

"I had no idea Dom Perignon came with a screw top."

"What wine goes best with vodka?"

'Dear, of course no one can tell you what they think of the wine, you haven't told them how much it cost yet.'