Wine Snob Satirist Gifts

'This ones very cheap but will get you very drunk. It's from our new Chav range.'

Wine Selection 'Here we are. Our cheapest house wine. Would the gentleman care to smell the twisty cap?'

"You'll love this. It's swarthy yet munificent, didactic and gregarious with hints of dogma."

"It better not be any of that over oaked chardonnay."

Every time you make a blend, somewhere, a wine maker dies.

'Why, thank you. When they started the vineyard five generations ago, I heard they were shooting for freakin' awesome.'

"I make it myself!"

'Wine, high octane grape juice.'

"The wine has subtle hints of expensive pretension, but it's balanced nicely by the screw cap."

Opening the Barrel

"In our house the four major food groups are Bordeaux, Merlot, Chardonnay and Champagne."

'George, you're supposed to be tasting the wine, not seeing what effect it has.'

"Would madam like to sniff the resealable cap?"

Wine tasting

"When a wine rates over ninety, this is not alcoholism."

'My husband will order the wine. He happens to be a graduate of the 3-Second Master of Wine program.'

'No, I can't remember the name of the wine, but it did come in a bottle about this tall, if that's any help.'

'I don't actually want to learn so much that I become a wine buff - just a wine snob!'

"Pinot Noir, God's apology for White Zinfandel."

"House red, sir?"

Wine: New & Old!!!

'Who took the cork out of my lunch?'

"This family-owned boutique wine is produced from a single grape."

"Hey! Waiter! This is a dessert wine!"

'Ahh, the '74 Amarone. Unfortunately, I can't sell it to you. There's no possible way you'd appreciate it.'

"It tastes and smells just like a glass of wine!"

"It's an unpretentious little wine!"

"I find a good cabernet is the best way to put my money where my mouth is."

'Sorry, I only drink still wines. I don't have the patience to wait for bubbles to pop.'

"Wait. Let it breathe."

Prosecco Drinker

"I had no idea Dom Perignon came with a screw top."

"What wine goes best with vodka?"

'Dear, of course no one can tell you what they think of the wine, you haven't told them how much it cost yet.'

"How much do you spend on a decent bottle of wine?"