Wine Snobbery Satirist Gifts

"Would madam like to sniff the resealable cap?"

Wine: New & Old!!!

"Vintage? What would you like it to be?"

"You'll love this. It's swarthy yet munificent, didactic and gregarious with hints of dogma."

"It better not be any of that over oaked chardonnay."

Every time you make a blend, somewhere, a wine maker dies.

Wine Selection 'Here we are. Our cheapest house wine. Would the gentleman care to smell the twisty cap?'

'Why, thank you. When they started the vineyard five generations ago, I heard they were shooting for freakin' awesome.'

'Wine, high octane grape juice.'

'As Chuck's definition of terroir dragged past the 20-minute mark, Suzy concluded, the longer the explanation, the less likely you know what the word means.'

"I make it myself!"

'We're out of earshot now, so you can drop the phoney, Oxbridge accent.'

"The wine has subtle hints of expensive pretension, but it's balanced nicely by the screw cap."

"In our house the four major food groups are Bordeaux, Merlot, Chardonnay and Champagne."

'George, you're supposed to be tasting the wine, not seeing what effect it has.'

'It's first flush Darjeeling darling!'

"I know you've been waiting a long time, but the Pearls were here before you."

Wine tasting

Champagne at the hunt

"When a wine rates over ninety, this is not alcoholism."

'My husband will order the wine. He happens to be a graduate of the 3-Second Master of Wine program.'

'Brand X, the wine for those with indiscriminate taste.'

'No, I can't remember the name of the wine, but it did come in a bottle about this tall, if that's any help.'

'I don't actually want to learn so much that I become a wine buff - just a wine snob!'

"Pinot Noir, God's apology for White Zinfandel."

"This family-owned boutique wine is produced from a single grape."

"Hey! Waiter! This is a dessert wine!"

'Who took the cork out of my lunch?'

"House red, sir?"

'Ahh, the '74 Amarone. Unfortunately, I can't sell it to you. There's no possible way you'd appreciate it.'

"It tastes and smells just like a glass of wine!"

"It's an unpretentious little wine!"

Prosecco Drinker

"I had no idea Dom Perignon came with a screw top."

"It's all good – but some of it is better."