Wine Snob Gifts

"What wine goes best with vodka?"

"I'm getting woolly-mammoth notes."

"It tastes and smells just like a glass of wine!"

'Dear, of course no one can tell you what they think of the wine, you haven't told them how much it cost yet.'

"Know what we need? We need a house wine."

It's called 'Pretentious.' It tastes like crap, but it's $100 per bottle!

Two wine tasters

"The wine has subtle hints of expensive pretension, but it's balanced nicely by the screw cap."

"Pinot Noir, God's apology for White Zinfandel."

"Waiter, this wine is corked!"

Wine tasting

'Fruity nose, hints of wild cherry, soothing & gelatinous on the palate, goes well with cough and cold.'

"We'd like something with rather less bouquet."

"Can you recommend a wine to go with this wine?"

"It better not be any of that over oaked chardonnay."

Every time you make a blend, somewhere, a wine maker dies.

"How did Pino and Bette Noir get on the invitation list? She's a beast and all he does is whine."

"I had no idea Dom Perignon came with a screw top."

Museum of Wine: Please don't drink the exhibits.

"I know, I know, I really despise this wine - but the name is so easy to remember."

"The food and wine are incompatible - so something's got to go."

'If by 'great', you mean 'terrible', then yes, we have plenty of great wines for under $5.00 a bottle.'

Prosecco Drinker

"In our house the four major food groups are Bordeaux, Merlot, Chardonnay and Champagne."

"When we say Trendy Vineyards Merlot goes with everything, we mean everything - including the bottle it comes in."

"I make it myself!"

"Excellent. And how about something crude and unsophisticated for my guest."

"Foreign wines have ruined me for domestics. I still shop local, but I gripe global."

Wine Drinking for Dummies.

"Yes, the new chateau D'Alsace has a youthful, lively bouquet. . . it's even a bit cheeky!"

"I think this would pair nicely with a decent Cabernet Sauvignon!"

"No Chateau Lafite '62? Guess I'll have a brewskie."

"... and do you promise to never serve wine from a box so long as you both shall live?"

"How much do you spend on a decent bottle of wine?"

"It's an unpretentious little wine!"